What a day!

     This day could not have gone from a happier beginning to a worse middle - well maybe it could have but it was pretty awful anyway.     I was woke this morning by a call from my boyfriend - there's no better way to start the day unless of course he's here. It was payday so I was glad to finally know there was money in the bank again though it won't be there long. I got some money out, filled the car with gas and talked to bf all the way to work. But about halfway there I got sad. He kept on talking and didn't really notice so I didn't say much. I told him I missed him but he's got junk planned this weekend (nothing special) and when I mention the weekend he keeps say 'we'll have to talk about that' but then he changes the subject. I feel like he doesn't want me there, its thursday night, if we were going to get together we would have talked about it by now. And he keeps bringing up all this stuff he plans to do around the house over the weekend which usually means he plans to spend the weekend alone. I don't know what to think but I miss him.      But worse was coming. My sister called me at 9:30 to tell me she was on her way to my parents' house. Dad had called her and just said I need you at the house right away. Dad has never called any of us in our lives.. he doesn't use the phone! She panicked and so did I. All we could imagine was that something happened to mom whether he did it or she just had an accident. So I am at the office fighting tears and trying to work while I wait for her to call me back. It was only 15 minutes but felt like an eternity. She finally called and just told me Dad had pissed mom off so bad she walked out and he is afraid to be alone... also he had to be at the hospital at 11 to be admitted to palliative care. I was relieved that mom was ok but still worried. I kept working but I fought tears all day, just looked at my computer and avoided everyone.     I went out at lunch time because I just couldn't bare being there any longer - just picked up lunch, wandered around a favorite thrift store and went back. LUnch didn't agree with me and I felt horrible physically all afternoon. I missed a call from my sister and from bf at lunch time because I forgot the volume was down on my phone. bf I emailed but sis got a text to make sure everything was ok.. she said yes we'll talk later. Still I was fighting tears and trying hard to focus on work. Bf and I emailed all afternoon, sometimes it was all I could do not to cry; Other times I was running to the washroom feeling sick. But I was doing such a good job of avoiding everyone that no one noticed or said anything.    Talked to sis again around 3. Turns out when she got to Dad he was in the bathroom with a knife ready to kill himself. He's threatend and gotten this close before but never gone through with it obviously. She took him to the hospital where he thought he was just going to the medical ward.. he didn't know it was palliative care but he's so disoriented that sis just said ya dad this is the medical ward. She got the doctor alone and told him about the suicide 'attempt' and dad got a 45 minute psyche evaluation with my sister in the room to call him on his lies and was then admitted not to palliative care but to the psychiatric ward. Apparently he was emotional and apologetic but its too late now. At this point I was no longer sad or worried but completely and entirely furious with him. My mom is still distraught this evening. I'm not sure exactly what happend this morning but she doesn't just walk away from him unless he has either told her to leave or she's at her absolute wits ends (and she has the patience of a saint)     My family is just such a mess right now and I always lean on my boyfriend but he's not being as supportive as I need right now. He's not here, there's no hug to make me feel like someone cares. I feel alone and like my life is a mess and will never get better. I came home and absolutely attacked my house... In just the kitchen and living room I threw out 2 big bags of stuff, dead plants, nick nacks I'm sick of dusting, papers, and anything I could put my hands on that I hadn't used in a while. Looks a bit barren right now but I'll get used to the new cleaner feel soon enough. Just finished doing all the dishes my daughtr was supposed to do, emptied all the garbage cans (we recycle so there's 4), took all the bags to the basement and made dd take out her 2 bags that she left in the kitchen for 3 days. I'm so sick of being the maid - I'm done. I've given her a clean fresh start... AGAIN... the next time it gets like this I'm leaving!