whaddya mean it's not tuesday???

woke up jonzin' for peanut butter.....so i toasted a bagel, added creamy peanut butter, sliced banana and promptly got it all over my clean fresh nightie.  splattttttt!  but it was so delicious!  what is it about feeding a craving that is so extra good?

despite being a crashy chick i'm in a good mood.....not sure why?  i've been watching creative shows, like face off, project runway junior and now project runway.  something about the creative process infuses me with hope......happy internal bubbles.  funny and true.

glands angry, didn't know it was wednesday til a second ago, throught it was yesterday......so i missed tuesday completely.   huh.  well.  it has happened before, it will happen now. confused but sifting and reshifting my thoughts to take on wednesday without an official tuesday this week.  wow, i'm a bit of a nut.  i would continue explaining my take on missing days but it sounds a bit too cracked egg, so let's move on!

i'm gonna try another crafty project.  i have two pieces of furniture with flaws.  i was trying to think how can i fix these flaws without having to completely redo them.......so i was toodling through michael's (a big craft store).....toodling cause this location has an electric cart, so for the first time i felt comfy in their store.  so many items and i never know how to find anything on my own, so it leaves me feeling swamped, out of my depth, the same way i feel in home depot.  .....but on this day in the energy saving cart i begin to notice how they organise their stock.  without the pressure of being on my feet, feeling the need to rush to save steps, get out as soon as i go in.....i am relaxed being there.  huh......what a difference the cart makes on so many levels. 

i am looking for some decorative sand to put in a vase.....but end up in the stencil aisle.  i spy so many pretty stencils, but find myself particularly drawn to one that has both birds and leaves.  pretty.......momma may i please have this?  i used to grab her hand and begin the may i please (pretty please) campaign.......still miss them both.  always will......

the other side of the aisle has all these tiny paint containers.......HELPPPPPP, overwhelmed lady on aisle five......she's freaking out from toooo many choices.  hit her with a water gun stat!  a nice employee named lilli appears.......hello lilli, my name is ruth and i freak out with all this stuff.........what to do?  she explains how it works in the simplest way.........she doesn't talk down, she puts me at my ease.  love her for being so wonderful on the spot......yay, feel myself relaxing yet again.  nice.........so i pick out three tiny bottles of 99 cent acrylic paint and some paint jobbers, paint stabbers? forget what they are called.......little tiny sponges on little tiny sticks.  wait, i know, paint dabbers, that's it!  dabbbbbbers.  you dab the paint on the tiny sponge dabbers and then you apply it within the boundaries of the stencils you choose. 

so instead of having ratchety missing paint spots (currently covered by clever decor placement) on top of this small book case i'll be able to put tiny leaves and birds on the top shelf.  ......if this works then on to project no. 2.  a small end table that has some unfortunate random spots of ???  could be old paint or rust or ?  thinking i'll take some sort of paper to trace the stencils to make a big enough pattern to lay it all out first.  it's a round table top and i don't want to over do it, put too many leaves or birds on it.......want to make it interesting.......feel nervous, but too tired to take on either one today.

i slept good for me.........only got up once. sounds like i'm caring for me, the baby..........and quite often it is exactly like that.  what is the blessing?  the bathroom is super close to the bed........focus on the blessings aspect and keep on!

looks like rain......overcase, wonder if it rained last night?  on my way home sunday from micheals i stopped at the dollar store, i got mia a new kitty toy and some werther's hard candies for me........geen apple with caramel in pretty gold wrappers.  so far mia loves my candies more than the new toy.......found them scattered hither and yon throughout the living room this morning.  that little girl is wild!  she likes candy to play kitty hockey.......little tiny candy hockey pucks.  her voice, her scratchy little maomao is changing, her little voice is gaining in strength. baby mia, you're sounding so much more like a kitty kitty.......not so squeaky.  ahhhhhh, keep on like this and we'll get you an auditon for america's kitties got talent!!!!  as if...........laughter in the air.

so here's some off road idiocy, if an alien took over our bodies and we took over someone or something else how would that work?  those funny random green ethereal creatures floating through space and then blammo, now they have to live within our sick chronically ill bodies......hmmmm, we escape and suddenly find ourselves in the new arrivals wing of our local hospitals.......front row center little baby us..........newly planted in tiny infant bodies but still remembering everything we know now.........not forever, the us of it all would fade as we acclimated to the newness of relanding in these new fresh souls........please let me  have a cool name.........not so cool that it's weird everyday.  like jar lid or lizard button or petal planet........maybe olivia or isabel or anna or chloe, something that sounds pretty on a perfume bottle ........i digress.......

but how cool would it be to get to start over?  be freshly human without this stuff we carry daily?  i would miss my children......could i leave them?  i wondered that last night, what if i moved to southern california would they come see me?  would it give me a fresh outlook to go elsewhere?  not be landlocked?  do i have the nerve to move far from here and start over?  not only the nerve but the grit despite my health mess?  doubtful, but i still like to wonder if my internal self would be happier with an ocean view......a mountain view.......with the lightness of being i used to feel living in santa barbara.......part of it was the adventure of youth, but i really really loved it there, felt connected to earth in a way i never had before.......like that place was truly my home.  where i fit.......never felt that in texas or even here for that matter.  not in iowa either........i made it all homey, tried and try my best to bloom where i am planted, but santa barbara felt like falling in love with it's very dirt, it's essence........it is american and yet it feels much older........the architecture, the people, the backdrop feels unreal in the most real way.  (ocean, mountains, building design, the santa barbara old mission, the courthouse........even the drinking fountains downtown have these beautiful signature santa barbara tiles decorating them......

i have to go back to bed now, i feeeeel so seasick.  must be rain coming, my barometric pressure meter is beeping like mad!

love you, thanks for the love the other day.......hugs!