went to ymca today.

this stupid computer is not working for me tonight. it is giving me magor anxiaty. i went whith aunt to the ymca and went swimming. it was good. im now a mamber. im so tired. i look so fat in my old lady suit and shower cap. i dont even care anymmoore i just dont want to blind anyone. its going to be hard to get my aunt out. i will probly be going by myself alot. i dont like that. i havnt ate anything today. im so hungry, and sick. i have the strangest eating disorder. i dont eat all day then gourge myself at night. thats how i got so big. im going to have to work so hard. my life realy sucks right now. im so angry all the time. i cant go on like this forever. people dont want to be around me and i dont want to be around them either. i wish i could just be happy about something. son going out of town for the rest of the month. dont even care. i should be happy, but i am not. im so uncomfortable. im so fat. my self asteem is zero right now. i would like to send some hugs but i just cant right now. i dont know how much longer i can go on like this. its of course going to rain again. i just wanted to write in journal while i can. internet going off very soon. i dont even care about that. i like my new hair. im sure i will have to keep it up. thats going to be very hard. i wish i wasnt so broke all the time. bf prob wont help me much. i am sooo  afraid. of everything. i cant do anything right. its a real shame. ok, going to try again to maybe clean my house. ya thats happening. i need anger management classes. ahhhhh