went for that daily walk

I just got back from my daily walk with my fiance. I really didn't want to leave the house since it had gotten gloomy here again, but I did. And we didn't walk as far as usual, but almost, so that's something.
While we were walking, he asked if I was ok because I looked like I was being tortured. I felt terrible because just being up and about feels like torture, it's not anything he's doing to me. It's something my brain has taken upon itself.
I can't believe tomorrow is Thursday already and I still didn't schedule any work for this week. I keep telling myself that I will, but then I have such a hard time with every day...
I tried to remind myself that a sign things are getting better is when it doesn't feel as hard to do things. I keep looking for that sign, but it hasn't quite come yet. I am trying to believe that it will come. I really hope it does, because I don't want to have to switch meds and wait again. And from what I've read, the Cymbalta withdrawal is really bad. Based on the side effects of getting on it, I don't even want to know what it's like to come off of it. I've read about things called "brain zaps," whatever those are. I don't really want to find out what they are.
I have a call into my doctor. We are supposed to check in with each other and then figure out when I will see him next. I really hope he doesn't want to switch me off the drugs right away but I really want to start feeling better already.
I feel like I'm just watching time and life pass me by.
I have to remind myself every day that I'm lucky to have the fiance I have. He stands by me and I couldn't imagine someone being more understanding than he has been.