Well...that hurts
So, last night, I'm on my tablet. I have a Twitter account and, although I never post anything, I do check it from time to time.
To my surprise, I saw my a picture of all 4 of my daughters in Chicago! That's great that they all met up with DD31 there for a sister's weekend, but what hurts is not one of them mentioned it to me! Even DD29 and her dh flew there from NYC. (It was my SIL who posted pics of Chicago.) Anyway, it was like a stab to my heart. Why did not one of them tell me?? I don't understand. I even was with DD23 Thursday and she never said a word. Why? I love it that they all got together. What bothers me is that I'm sure their father knew this was going on since DD23 lives with him.
When DD31 called on Mother's Day, she had mentioned flying into Chicago and me and her sisters coming to get her there. SHE mentioned it. I was excited and told her just send me her flight info and I'd be there! I never heard another word from her. We were supposed to Skype about a month ago and she totally blew me off. I texted her asking her "where she was" and got no response. Just another thing I won't mention as it would just cause more friction.
Well, at least it doesn't appear my ex was there either as he was 3 years ago when DD31 was in Chicago for a conference. Again, I saw that on Twitter. DD31 and I DID talk about that a few months after that...why I didn't know she was there and she said she had mentioned it to me first at Christmas, but she never told me what dates in April she was going to be there. I told HER she never gave me the dates...and then, I got busy at work and totally forgot about it, plus, she never called again to let me know the actual dates. She swore she had given me the dates when we had talked at Cbristmas, but I swear she didn't, but apologized anyway. Ugh
I know I can't say a word to any of them as, if I did, once again, they'd see it as "mom causing trouble again" which I know is how they see me. It just makes me want to pull away from all of them right now and, now that's just another thing to add to my list of topics I can't discuss with DD31. I already know what topics we won't be discussing. It will be all so superficial.
To my surprise, I saw my a picture of all 4 of my daughters in Chicago! That's great that they all met up with DD31 there for a sister's weekend, but what hurts is not one of them mentioned it to me! Even DD29 and her dh flew there from NYC. (It was my SIL who posted pics of Chicago.) Anyway, it was like a stab to my heart. Why did not one of them tell me?? I don't understand. I even was with DD23 Thursday and she never said a word. Why? I love it that they all got together. What bothers me is that I'm sure their father knew this was going on since DD23 lives with him.
When DD31 called on Mother's Day, she had mentioned flying into Chicago and me and her sisters coming to get her there. SHE mentioned it. I was excited and told her just send me her flight info and I'd be there! I never heard another word from her. We were supposed to Skype about a month ago and she totally blew me off. I texted her asking her "where she was" and got no response. Just another thing I won't mention as it would just cause more friction.
Well, at least it doesn't appear my ex was there either as he was 3 years ago when DD31 was in Chicago for a conference. Again, I saw that on Twitter. DD31 and I DID talk about that a few months after that...why I didn't know she was there and she said she had mentioned it to me first at Christmas, but she never told me what dates in April she was going to be there. I told HER she never gave me the dates...and then, I got busy at work and totally forgot about it, plus, she never called again to let me know the actual dates. She swore she had given me the dates when we had talked at Cbristmas, but I swear she didn't, but apologized anyway. Ugh
I know I can't say a word to any of them as, if I did, once again, they'd see it as "mom causing trouble again" which I know is how they see me. It just makes me want to pull away from all of them right now and, now that's just another thing to add to my list of topics I can't discuss with DD31. I already know what topics we won't be discussing. It will be all so superficial.
Replies
Social media often brings heartache. So sorry. I feel something like this, too, that I am seen as too much trouble. Right now I\'m holding such thoughts very lightly, and I\'ve gone more than a week without hurting over it, for the first time. Hope you find all the emotional sustenance you need and that your superficial time with your daughter is actually light-hearted.
I\'m so sorry.....All this brings up so many more issues. I will hope and pray that you have the closeness with your girls you truly want. Hugs to you my friend.
The hardest part is not being able to be my \"authentic\" self with them. I have to keep everything light and not reveal any of my true feelings. It\'s like...why bother...
Thanks for your responses 2 and jenny. It\'s nice I can come her and be real with people who understand.
I think the divorce and my remarriage to a man they don\'t approve of has pretty much put an end to my dream of having a close relationship with my daughters. :(
Try not to take it to heart. I\'ve got to be honest, at their ages in a cool city like Chicago - I wouldn\'t want my mother tagging along. Although, I would have told her I was going and if she wanted to come, I would never have told her no. But I\'d make sure she had an age appropriate friend with her to keep her company while I was experiencing my wild side. ha ha ha
So that being said, try not to be too upset about it. They probably just wanted to do something the 4 of them and didn\'t know how to tell you.
If I were you however, I\'d make damn sure that they knew I\'d see the picture and commented something like - It\'s so nice to see my 4 beautiful girls together. Too bad I didn\'t know about this reunion - I would have joined you all. I talked to DD31 about it in Jan., but never heard any more. Oh well, see you in 4 days!
I\'m sorry that your being treated like this. I hope that your 4 day visit with the oldest will prove to be healing and that you can get past this hurt right now.
This is one reason I had to leave social media. Family/relative stuff like this happening and leaving me hurt and/or confused.
I\'m sorry you\'re feeling left-out and hurt. I might be way off, but from reading what you wrote, it sounds like DD31 would like to involve you in these things, but then when her sisters learn that she has told you about it, they somehow influence her to change her mind. And instead of coming to you and saying, \"Mom, the other sisters just want it to be a sisters thing... I hope you understand\" and being honest with you about it, she doesn\'t feel strong enough to do that so she just ignores you and hopes that you forget.
I think you should try talking to your daughters more openly. You are hiding things by not being honest with them about your feelings, just like they are not sharing with you. You need to open up the doors of communication with your daughters. Right now everybody seems to be walking on eggshells around each other.
Thanks, all.
KRK...I love your idea about letting them know. I just got back from my noon walk and thought about doing a group text...just something like, \"So glad my girls were able to get together this weekend! Love it! Lucky Chicago!\", but have decided against it knowing then that they\'d know they\'d been \"busted\" and that MOM was causing drama again. Instead, I\'m just going to mention it to DD31 when we\'re in the car going to Galena. And, yes...I do hope DD31 and I can talk about some things, but, since she\'s JUST like her father...I doubt that will happen. It\'ll be all fluff and superficial. No feelings allowed.
What we all know about siblings is that you tell one something, they all find out, so by letting DD31 know on Friday, no doubt her sisters will all know by nightfall.
And, as far as eggshells, yes, we do. Like dh says, \"When you say ANYTHING your daughters don\'t like, they pull away.\" and it\'s true, so yes...I\'m not allowed to have feelings or, heaven forbid, voice them. I don\'t believe I will need to discuss anything serious with DD31 either as I said it all in the email I sent to her 2 months ago. I do not care to discuss with them how I feel about their favoritism towards their father and their \"uncomfortableness\" around my husband. As I told DD31 in the email, \"my daughters\' actions going forward will be all I need to know\". THAT\'S what she heard. They all know if they continue to hurt me, they won\'t have a relationship with me because I will be \"done\" at some point and won\'t put up with it. THAT\'S what DD31 heard which I have no doubt is why she did the right thing this time and has divided her time equally. I also believe that same email is why I haven\'t heard from DD29 as I told DD31 how hurt I was in January when they were here and didn\'t stay with me half the time. And, that\'s fine. Last time I talked to DD29 was Mother\'s Day. The email was sent a month later. I\'m glad if DD31 told her sister. She needed to hear it. The email I sent to HER before their visit told her my feelings, but they were ignored and she and her dh did what they wanted to anyway with no regards to my feelings at all. Therefore, I hope DD31 DID tell her sister.
I\'m beginning to wish I\'d had boys. From what I\'ve heard, boys don\'t do these kind of things and are better to their mamas.