Well-needed peace.

Interesting way to wake up I must say. I slept in because I woke up from a thunder storm last night but I got up, no one was home went downstairs to make coffee. I checked the house phone, which I rarely ever do anymore because no one calls me lol but I checked the phone there was a missed call and a voice mail from my lady doctor. Immediately my heart skips a beat and I start to sweat! I begin to panic but I stay focused as I listen to the message and my fingers dial the number to cal back so fast I hadn't even realized I had done it until a voice on the other end says hello, I choke out a "hello" and my name and everything else and then I am talking to my doctor in the whole 10 seconds I was on hold I thought of what the news may be. I thought either it is really good or really bad with no time to spare I am on the line with my DR. She gave me a run down of my last visit and said about my atypical papa smear results, she said how they were slightly abnormal and gave me the scale of abnormality, which I already know since I have been studying about cervical changes and cervical cancer. Then she said they test the abnormal pap results for cancer causes HPV and I DONT HAVE IT! and I DONT HAVE CANCER!  I am the happiest person a live right now! She went on to say it could have been from a range of things and that they will still re-pap me a year to make sure everything is ok but to not worry. I believe her this time. I am not going to worry, well at least as much as I was before. I thanked her and asked for a hard copy to be sent in the mail. WHAT A RELIEVE!  I was so afraid I had cancer and was never gonna have kids. I feel so happy right now, I thanked God right after the phone call I said" I know you knew I needed to know now" He knew I couldn't wait a whole year to find out. This all happened like thirty minutes ago but I needed to write about it. I really need to write more often its just so hard to get on here. I have been working all week and this is the first time all week I have had some down time. This news is wonderful! I can have more peace within myself. I have been doing alright, no more anxiety overloads like the one I had last week, I even drove in the rain without flinching the other day. I have been praying and keeping up with trying to forgive myself. I haven't had overwhelming feelings in a while either. I have really been focused on work and learning everything there and doing the best job I can do for my patients. I start school in about a month and I am getting prepared for that as well. I am going to buy a laptop this week so I have it for school, my first real big purchase on my own. I am excited for it! I feel really good right now, This day is a gift from God I will not waste it! =)