well im back today

well here i am with my best friend, this web site. ive been pretty bad lately. havnt even been able to put thoughts together enogh to write in my journal. its very hard to type wene your fingers wont cooperaite with your anxious facing mind. went to boyfriends house for the weekend and we got into it big time. he started crying and i went to my place inside myself. that seems to make him very mad. i cant convey my feelings at all anymoore. im in a pretty constent fuge state now. my cable is going off on friday and im very upset about it. im here alone so much that it has been a good thing and im ussually up most of the night. i shouldnt be this upset about something so stupid but i realy am. i know ill never be ablle to get it back. i should be worried about other things like working, paying the other bills, having money for food, etc. still dont have a job. getting buissiness cards made going to try to clean houses for money. i hope it works out. im very afraid. i will REALY miss my cable. i wish i never had it. now ill be up watching informercials. oh well, another day in paridice i guess.... realy having a hard time with my son and my boyfriend, esspecially my son. he is so mean.