Well, i'm back again Hopefully. Fri Jan 30,2015 7 p.mish

Well, this is a pretty color. I have been off this site for a while, again. i couldnt get it to work for the longest time, i guess either they were having trouble or its just my old computer. hope all this will work. I have missed this site. I have a lot of problems as usual. The poverty is getting bad. i do have new meds for my stomock and i am on 40 mg's of cymbalta now. i can tell the difference. I was scared to up the dose, but its working good. i actually went swimming finally w/ my aunt 2 times last week BURR. I have had a bad case of agoraphobia and shyness lately. I just don't seem to care much about much. i no longer have those awful attacks and i DO NOT induce vomiting anymore. It seems i have no appetite, and im supposed to eat many little meals every day, but that is so hard for me. I am freezing all the time. that's new. they have done all my tests colonoscapy/endoscopy/all blood work. i got a clean bill of health. I never thought i would have NO APPETITE. That is so foreign to me. I used to be a VERY GOOD EATER. Cant believe im complaining, but im week because of it. I dont think i have anorexia not on purpose anyway. I do have some sort of eating issues. see i lost all that weight, and im scared its so easy to gain weight. People say, oh you look so good and slim, but i don't see what they see. My confidence is not good right now, and i don't like to leave my appt. Son still has no job, we fight, its a visuos circle. I am week from being so sick for so long and laying around. My appt is a big hot mess. my memory is getting worse all the time. i am also sooo addicted to Netflix. I watch it day and night. I am getting NOTHING done. I am very happy w/ my new stomach med. Its what they give people after kemo and i haven't thrown up since i got it. Had to go to ER again and finally i got some med that actually helps. My social worker is really worried even. she is coming to see me every 2 weeks just so i get out of the place. I feel old cause my birthday is coming up and im going to be 54. So in closing, im going to try and get on here wen i can, hopefully daily. I really need this site. Going to b.f. house for the weekend. Am nervous about that even. I feel like a hermit. Ive lost all my muscle i had built up from laying around all the time. I AM A MESS but i shouldn't bitch. There are many people in my little city that have it so much worse. Cant watch the news after Ferguson. There are so many murders in my town, its so sad. I love St Louis, born and raised and it just makes me sad in so many ways i cant even say. Nothing shocks me anymore. So i get my weather from yahoo and don't watch the news, TOO SAD and i get upset, so i stopped. OK that's it for now. going to my little group and see whats up. So more later........