Well Here we go
Well it has been a while again since i have come on here. I have been dealing with a lot in my life and I am finding myself inbetween depression and anger at how my life seems to suddenly be out of my control.
I have completed my third round of IUI and it was not succesful. So I had an appointment on 8/5 to go over the next option. Well my options are running out and now invitro is the next step. I have them completely confused as to why I am unable to now just get pregnant since that wasn't my problem to begin with.
I remember when I first started all of this back in March and how I was so full of hope. Now, I feel like I am holding on to hope by my fingertips if that. I just can't believe how things have fallen and happened since all of this. It was almost a year this month that I first found out I was going to be a mom. The 13th is my second due date and it is going to be so hard to get through that day.
I mean I am trying to deal with losing two children, trying to get pregnant again, a pregnant sister in law, a pregnant boss... being harrassed at work by a co-worker with my boss not doing anything. I mean I have felt like I have no control over anything in my life and that I am just having to sit here and watch everything spin out of control! I don't understand any of it. My father lost his job so now my husband and i are moving into my family's shore house to help out my parent financially... I mean I wish the stress would just stop. I need a breath of fresh air without stress. I need to feel safe again. I guess that is part of it. Deep down when I lost my children i lost my sense of being safe in the world and that good things happen to good people. I guess I was such an optimistic person that this blow has made me lose a piece of myself that I won't ever get back. The innocence of being pregnant and finding out your going to be a mom is forever gone. The next time if I am lucky enough will never be the same because I will worry the entire time.
I don't know... i just wish I wasn't sad all the time. I wish I could just get a break from my life for a little while so I can recharge my batteries.
I have completed my third round of IUI and it was not succesful. So I had an appointment on 8/5 to go over the next option. Well my options are running out and now invitro is the next step. I have them completely confused as to why I am unable to now just get pregnant since that wasn't my problem to begin with.
I remember when I first started all of this back in March and how I was so full of hope. Now, I feel like I am holding on to hope by my fingertips if that. I just can't believe how things have fallen and happened since all of this. It was almost a year this month that I first found out I was going to be a mom. The 13th is my second due date and it is going to be so hard to get through that day.
I mean I am trying to deal with losing two children, trying to get pregnant again, a pregnant sister in law, a pregnant boss... being harrassed at work by a co-worker with my boss not doing anything. I mean I have felt like I have no control over anything in my life and that I am just having to sit here and watch everything spin out of control! I don't understand any of it. My father lost his job so now my husband and i are moving into my family's shore house to help out my parent financially... I mean I wish the stress would just stop. I need a breath of fresh air without stress. I need to feel safe again. I guess that is part of it. Deep down when I lost my children i lost my sense of being safe in the world and that good things happen to good people. I guess I was such an optimistic person that this blow has made me lose a piece of myself that I won't ever get back. The innocence of being pregnant and finding out your going to be a mom is forever gone. The next time if I am lucky enough will never be the same because I will worry the entire time.
I don't know... i just wish I wasn't sad all the time. I wish I could just get a break from my life for a little while so I can recharge my batteries.
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