weirdness
when I was younger I had no problem pursuing my own goals...I felt like a kind of odd man
out - so I would often just go it alone - and I learned to live with that - but I have to say too
that very often my personal agenda was often met with criticism and yet isn't that they way it is
for everyone? - like 'don't rock the boat'? I don't think that's a decent reason to give up...
but then when I did go it alone in a serious way I became extremely sick...
and now at this time - going for personal pursuits in my life seem just fraught with pain
and failure - I need to talk about this with my therapist or maybe just I need to examine this
and prepare myself to stomach the dis-ease I have with my own pursuits and go for them
anyway.
sending peace.
mark
Replies
I like to think of those criticisms as, "Reality Checks." I all too often overlook important details when I go off on my own. Not that I give the same weight to all criticisms. Sometimes the important detail is that the critic is just farting out the wrong end.
I still can't explain it easily, but I got allot of therapy mileage in OCD meanderings on "Dis-ease." In my own case, my anxiety manifested a great many physical symptoms. The journey to and from dis-ease to disease?
Ah Mark, you hit a nerve with me, and also showed me the progress I've made too :) My son has Asperger's and ADHD, he's now almost 25, July.
I've 'finally' learned the fine art of focusing on behavior rather than 'him', meaning that I'm no longer critical of 'him' with expectations from my perspective. Sadly, 'my expectations' were not realistic from childhood and through his young adult...him having to move out of his home at 19 due to violent behavior towards me,
Today, I Thank God for the Blessings of him being kicked out of where he 'existed' in room, eating and sleeping and playing computer games for 5+ years, then to a program for 2 months. He now living with me. I have a New Son, yes the same dx, but with a new lease on Life and Moving Forward Towards Living rather than existing. I focus now on doing my best to set him up with success by giving him choices, rather than telling him what to do and Focus on his successes.... learning lessons with questions of what could have been done differently so he can 'learn' for the future. For us and our relationship, I address any issues as soon as possible to avoid conflict. I never in my wildest dreams ever believed we could have the relationship we enjoy today!!
It's slow going, but he is making Huge Progress since October....and me too :). So I guess what I'm trying to say is baby stepping rather than leaping. Giving yourself credit for trying and pushing through fears of the past "mistakes" (failure, please take out of your vocab, perhaps switch to 'learning lessons'), Is So Huge! because you are moving forward and not giving up!!
Thank you so much Arfie and Mary Louise!
Good advice to read from Arfie and ML.
Navigating criticism and other people’s opinions have been one of the biggest struggles of my adult life. Everything always thinks they know what’s best for other people and I find sometimes that the people overly concerned with my business ought to be turning their focus inward and question why it is exactly that they are so concerned with what I’m doing. Soooo, navigating people’s intentions has become my focus. I just journaled about how my MISSION is finding sincerity again. I’m sticking with that these days.
Hope your day has been going well.
Thanks Nikki!