Weird Situations
My daughter has started to do more activities with her new boyfriend. This is great! I am happy for her, but I have discovered that her boyfriend lives right across the street from the N. Her boyfriend doesn't know the N and I don't see any problem, except I am still the chauffeur! I have picked him up or taken him home a couple of times now. This is not totally flipping me out like it would have before, but it is a bit of a weird situation. I have always avoided that part of town or at least that street. And we all know...human...it's very hard to be right there and not look over there!!
I am not sure if I would feel better or worse about having the boyfriend meet me at the end of the block or something. I know my daughter told me a few years back that after having 100+ triggers per day, you get to a point where you realize you can't just avoid everything and have to learn to deal with the triggers.
As a side note, since we all know I did glance over there....I didn't see anything too exciting. Even on the most beautiful day of the spring thus far, he was home and inside the house. I found this a bit amusing since he constantly wore on me for not planning enough entertainment, suggesting hiking trips, outtings etc. for his enjoyment. Looks like I was out and about on the way to enjoy a great day while he remained stuck in the house. Hmmm, must not have been me afterall ;)
I am not quite sure how to not glance - self control? Not sure I have that much when I am truly sitting in a parking space looking directly at his complex.
Oh well, weird situations happen...and I'm off to Arabic!!!
I am not sure if I would feel better or worse about having the boyfriend meet me at the end of the block or something. I know my daughter told me a few years back that after having 100+ triggers per day, you get to a point where you realize you can't just avoid everything and have to learn to deal with the triggers.
As a side note, since we all know I did glance over there....I didn't see anything too exciting. Even on the most beautiful day of the spring thus far, he was home and inside the house. I found this a bit amusing since he constantly wore on me for not planning enough entertainment, suggesting hiking trips, outtings etc. for his enjoyment. Looks like I was out and about on the way to enjoy a great day while he remained stuck in the house. Hmmm, must not have been me afterall ;)
I am not quite sure how to not glance - self control? Not sure I have that much when I am truly sitting in a parking space looking directly at his complex.
Oh well, weird situations happen...and I'm off to Arabic!!!
Replies
I think your daughter has a point... I wish my oldest sister had faced her abusers and the people who \"ruined\" things for her...she is 14 years past what happened and still is a wreck. If she ever saw the people who hurt her, she would just curl up in a ball and idk...whatever. It\'s really brave that you can go there, sit there calmly, look at his place--thats great! Its healthy and the curiosity is yeah totally human--healthy too. As long as you\'re not stalking him I don\'t see the problem. I know you want him to not matter to you AT ALL--but you\'ll get there. For now he matters only as much as you wonder how you stack up in happiness post-relationship compared to how he has right? I would wonder too...
HUGS
I think this changes in time. I avoided places and streets for some time. I would hate going to the part of town where the narc lived. It gave me the jitters.
Over time, this decreased and is now a distant memory and has nothing to do with me now.
This kind of experience sticks for a while... I suppose every one is different in how it unloads.
I think there comes a point when the threat ends as in the person can just take over and use again. That is what freaked me out.
But, a couple or 3 summers ago I went to a concert by myself. The narc was at the concert with woman. I filled with anxiety and went through that. It helped me to see how my personal power really existed and was established. so this one part was freaked but another part of me was there grounding and taking care of the freaked out part.
i consider that a point of growth at the time in that I proved to myself that I AM and then seeing the narc mask included doing the same old moves etc. There was a release in knowing what I would do, how I would feel etc. It is the unknown that gives the imagination juice.
It\'s great to look back and see how far you\'ve come! Less triggers. It is just too stressful to panic about seeing him again or to bump into him - which is what we do! I drive past the Narcs street every day - but I do a lot of self-talk, be confident, try not to look that way and carry on with my life. If he sees me? He sees me carrying on with life - WITHOUT HIM. We both cycle so I\'m sure I will see him again at some stage. I hope I\'m strong enough then to display complete indifference! I will try!