Weird identity stuff
At first I thought this might be helpful to someone else...
as it seemed helpful to me - and yet then when I decided to write it down
I got interupted by a personal admin thing and so now I finally sitting down
and spelling it out. I hope it's not too much.
My identity has been lost to me in a really big way over the years...but I've started to piece
back together, or together at last, a sense of an identity to come back to here in my cell here
at the monastery. I started to draw recently...not draw for anyone else but for myself - creating lines and
patterns and composition that was pleasing to me... It opened a door for me.
The drawings sit on my desk and they are happy reminders of 'who I am' undoubtedly I like them - So
What I wanted to share with you guys was the device of doing something you love
and having elements of it around as a reminder as to who you are...whether or not the day
spins and tosses you to the winds - you have something to come back to ....like Blue and like these drawings
that remind you of who you are....REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE during the complexities of the day.
It creates calm and fortitude to deal with the day - and solace of when and where you will come back
to a place that is yours. And that reinforces you.
I know 'remember yourself' is maybe too vague. But it also made me think about a lot of the things
I do in my free time that is kind of instinctive and yet I am trying to give awareness to it.
I guess you guys also see it - in my free time and how I gnarl and gnash at writing about things here on my
uber journal. Be plainly aware of that - might help me achieve different things now, while I am on my own.
I won't get lost - but will be able to target actions to a more abundant end.
Replies
Mark, this feels like a real shift, less getting tossed around, more coming back to center. The drawings sound like a gentle anchor that helps you remember what’s true when the day gets complex. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you Bob! I also wrote this just now. I pray it is helpful and healthy to put here:
a secondary thing that also helped me, happened while behind the iconostasis at church this
morning. I was working with a german priest, recently visiting the monastery, who has such a lovely calm and strong way about himself.
It made me think about him and then of us Americans and how we're going through difficult times here to say the least in terms of who we are and how we are in the world.
I thought about the europeans who come here to visit who seem to have a group identity - that seems
to filter the individual persona.
By knowing and remembering who I am -' coming back to me' I can also now identify
with others who like these things I like as well. So in effect there is a group identity in my view that I have too - much like for the wonderful german priest and his lovely european ways. I find myself balancing of remembering who I am and what I like with grounding sense of the group I am a part of and yet also a critical sense of individual that ought not get lost in a world where I need to make my way in it.
sorry I always take things too far. that's something to know about myself - I find a good solution and then write too much
because of some great fear that I'll be ill prepared for life if I don't step outside of myself to cover my bases.
I know we each share this ride of life together but I guess we all have to deal with a bit of survival too, go team!
It's wonderful to read that you're drawing again, Mark! I don't believe that "remember yourself" is vague at all. There are certain things that sit at the very core of who we are. You've always spoken warmly about your art, and it seems to be a meaningful part of you. It's super easy to get pulled into roles, expectations, and comparisons until we lose touch with what really sustains us. The core parts of us, from our values to our ways of creating, help keep us grounded when it feels like everything else is spinning out of control.
Please don't apologize for expanding on your thoughts. In my opinion, you don't take things too far; you take them seriously. There's a big difference. Wanting to thoroughly think things through isn't a character flaw. : )
I hope you'll keep drawing. And writing.
Hugs.
thanks Judy! God Bless You!! You're wonderful!!