Weird Dream
I had the oddest dream last night. In the dream, the kids were back to toddler age and my ex husband was driving the car, so the dream had to be set back 18 years ago. Anyways, my ex husband was driving the car and refused to drive the speed limit as he was always going 20-30 mph over the limit. He kept narrowly avoiding hitting the other cars and I told him to slow down and drive carefully as the kids were in the back seat. He told me to shut up and hit me. Mind you, I did all the driving back then as he refused to drive and that was his favorite time to hit me as he knew I would do anything to keep the kids safe so he could punch me knowing I would do my best not to wreck the car. Anyways, in the dream, we made it home safely and there was a truck there in the dream. I asked my ex who did the truck belong to, but he said it was his. I asked him why didn't he drive himself. He told me he wasn't going to bother. And in the dream, I told him to either drive the truck or we had to sell it. He said no, it was his and it wasn't going to be sold. He also said as he made the money so he'd spend it like he wanted. He always said that.. never mind the bills or food for the kids to eat. It was his money and he'd spend it on whatever he wanted. In the dream, I did something I never did back then. I told him as he was not interested in doing what was best for the family, he could get out. Back when we were married, I never had the courage to tell him that although there were many times I wanted to. I was so afraid of being alone. But if I had told him when the kids were that small to get out, things would been a lot different. It was so odd to see myself in the dream as a strong person who could stand up for myself and my children that I had a panic attack. That makes no sense to me why seeing myself as strong would cause a panic attack.
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