Weird depression
I think I’ve discovered something within me that will change my outlook as to how I might mistakenly judge myself.
As you know I wake up at 230am during the week to get to work.
I work usually until 9am and get home at 930am then go about daily chores, showering and errands…
And other every day things for me.
It’s 120am now and I had this gnawing non-enthusiasm for getting on with my day. Like something was wrong with me for feeling that. A kind of thing that could turn into sadness where I would want to reach out for help.
Then I had the insight that I’m probably tired and have been up for nearly 11 hours. As well in stark contrast to the world out there, my day is nearly over. Another exacerbating point.
Also I have an atypical life where I go all existential a lot and have to manage that, not to mention the atypical hours.
It’s a double or triple whammy that may be affecting my self esteem and is accentuated when I can't understand what I'm feeling. I’ll try and keep it in mind.
So now I am sitting here watching tv and as silly as this seems, the tv show is totally disappointing. It's not getting away from me and it's not turning into an unknown factor. I am tired and issues are what they are. I'm not going head over into a depression but I'm recognizing that I do have it. Anyways it's a positive that I can make sense of things like this. Usually I need the facilitation of my therapist or loved one.
So now I am sitting here watching tv and as silly as this seems, the tv show is totally disappointing. It's not getting away from me and it's not turning into an unknown factor. I am tired and issues are what they are. I'm not going head over into a depression but I'm recognizing that I do have it. Anyways it's a positive that I can make sense of things like this. Usually I need the facilitation of my therapist or loved one.
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((((((Marcos)))))
Here with you, I’m having a kinda hard (well no … pretty very hard day) & rite as I logged on I was going to just log off …. but I saw what you wrote & just wanted to let you know you’re not alone… but I’m sorry I don’t have my words & stuff so good today so I wish I had better words & hope I don’t make you feel worse in writing this actually :o
Just want you to know that someone was thinking of you out there & cares.
I will light a candle for you tonight & pray for better days
Sending support, hope & gentle hug <3
Thanks lil missy! Have a good night and a better tomorrow! I will pray for you! Please be good to yourself!
Gracias, you too <3
Hugs all around.
Mark, those hours are hard. I think you’re right to consider that. When I worked at the airport or certain retail hours over the years, my mental health was affected. I totally had sleep shift disorder.
Today was really challenging for me. I raised my voice several times and it scared people. But I have to say NO! I’m totally getting taken advantage of…again.
Allow the moods to sit with you. We can’t be monks all the time, though I know we would like to. Part of the process of discovery is getting mad and taking action. In pragmatic ways. Theres some tough stuff but it’s normal and human.
You might also be burned out. When was the last time you used paid time off to go have fun?
Thanks Nikki!
Thanks Ccleaver. I’m not burned out, I recently came back from a 3 week vacation 2 weeks ago. Things are good. Just growing pains.