weird

I think sometimes I think in terms of having to live a life that's perfectly graceful..

and what that comes down to it is that I also feel like I ought to do stuff that's perfectly

responsible too....what I took from the religious shows that I mentioned in the last journal

is the dichotomy of the grace they spoke about - but also the tenacity and pumping

up of the 'stick with it' message and 'don't be discouraged' way of dealing with things.

I was troubled by it this morning. Thinking about those things - and then I remembered

to do something self calming like something with a physical based in reality thing...like

cleaning  up or writing in my accounting ledger.. I took out the recycling and cleaned

house, and shaved and showered and dressed. So I found myself then sitting here

buzzing about these things and I thought my next action will be about somebody else.

I feel like going to church - just to be with people - or just helping somebody with something

beside just being self absorbed with these thoughts. My life may be messy - but I'll take care of it

best I can - and help others along the way.