weird

it's weird how I need near constant reminders of my self worth at times.

I was telling a friend here on DS.org that whatever my future professional life is,

I will always have 2 professions: 1, to deal with the profession with which I make ends meet,

and 2, dealing with my mental health challenges. It's a duality I am getting used to

and seeing a greater depth with for others' lives and my own.

There's something that I am seeing in my own experience as a result, that I 'so need' to design 'so very much'

of my own time here in my time off - it goes along with mental healthiness - and just writing here is helping me see that, and process that, in a way that is helping me cope with that reality and act on that reality without denial of it.

I kind of have perceived it in the past to be without a cognitive element...like I would not see the need for effort/ "couldn't see the ability for effort" and reality of that so I wouldn't perceive the appreciation of it either. 

Anyways, I don't know if that makes sense but to try and explain it - part of me was living in 'flow'

and part of me had a hard time keeping track - I'd lose my place mentally.

Anyways, so it goes...I don't know if my mind will change as it usually does - 

I'll always need to organize my time.

Peace and happy Easter!