Weighty issues part II
So. . . I've been pondering my weighty issues again. I am pretty sure getting under the 260's is one of them (as I spoke of in my previous journal). I also think then getting under the 250's is another!
I think the 250's is one just because its been so long since I've seen the 'underside' of the 200's and the last time I did is when I gained back the 100+ pounds I had lost after kicking out my ex (like 20+ yrs ago!). i was in a bad place emotionally then.... i had kept off that weight for around 4+ years... then the head games started after gaining 16 pounds from being pregnant with my 3rd child. Yeah, the day after he was born I weighed 16 more pounds than when I got pregnant. For some reason it felt like 100 lbs to me... even tho in hind sight, that 16 lbs was NOTHING for someone who had a baby less than 24 hrs earlier! Most of that would have just come off all on its own had I not gotten all weird about it. And when in your head you are convinced it was 100 lbs, you can make that reality come true pretty fast!
My point is that I had some ugly stuff going on that following couple of years in regards to head stuff as i regained that weight! It was during this time I tried my skills at making myself throw up after eating.... Had it not been for Rich catching me do this, who knows how bad it would have gotten, but he freaked out! And this helped me get a grip on this problem before it got too out of control.
It was during this time that I read Geneen Roth books for the first time... I did learn a lot, but I was not in the right place for it to take I guess!
So.... The next 28 lbs are HUGE!! Much more weight to them than the 28 pounds I have lost in this initial month. Funny how the same # of pounds can seem heavier for some!
I worry.... I've in fact been worrying since I weighed last Friday and came to the conclusion that the next 28 lbs were HUGE. I worry that my tool/pouch is not working like it should. I worry that I can eat too easily. I worry that I have grabbed a few things I shouldn't have, like a few of my sons potato chips! I worry that this is too easy. I worry that its too hard... I worry that nothing else worked, why should this! And I do all this knowing i lost 28 lbs the first month!
I spent 4 years trying to lose weight, doing all the right things, eating right, exercising, etc etc and could not lose weight... so I guess i am having a hard time excepting this will work too!
i know so much of this is silly and I will get thru this... I know this is the head stuff, the hard stuff, I heard about during my preop stuff.... And I will continue to work on these things!
Whew! I feel better just getting it all out! :)
I think the 250's is one just because its been so long since I've seen the 'underside' of the 200's and the last time I did is when I gained back the 100+ pounds I had lost after kicking out my ex (like 20+ yrs ago!). i was in a bad place emotionally then.... i had kept off that weight for around 4+ years... then the head games started after gaining 16 pounds from being pregnant with my 3rd child. Yeah, the day after he was born I weighed 16 more pounds than when I got pregnant. For some reason it felt like 100 lbs to me... even tho in hind sight, that 16 lbs was NOTHING for someone who had a baby less than 24 hrs earlier! Most of that would have just come off all on its own had I not gotten all weird about it. And when in your head you are convinced it was 100 lbs, you can make that reality come true pretty fast!
My point is that I had some ugly stuff going on that following couple of years in regards to head stuff as i regained that weight! It was during this time I tried my skills at making myself throw up after eating.... Had it not been for Rich catching me do this, who knows how bad it would have gotten, but he freaked out! And this helped me get a grip on this problem before it got too out of control.
It was during this time that I read Geneen Roth books for the first time... I did learn a lot, but I was not in the right place for it to take I guess!
So.... The next 28 lbs are HUGE!! Much more weight to them than the 28 pounds I have lost in this initial month. Funny how the same # of pounds can seem heavier for some!
I worry.... I've in fact been worrying since I weighed last Friday and came to the conclusion that the next 28 lbs were HUGE. I worry that my tool/pouch is not working like it should. I worry that I can eat too easily. I worry that I have grabbed a few things I shouldn't have, like a few of my sons potato chips! I worry that this is too easy. I worry that its too hard... I worry that nothing else worked, why should this! And I do all this knowing i lost 28 lbs the first month!
I spent 4 years trying to lose weight, doing all the right things, eating right, exercising, etc etc and could not lose weight... so I guess i am having a hard time excepting this will work too!
i know so much of this is silly and I will get thru this... I know this is the head stuff, the hard stuff, I heard about during my preop stuff.... And I will continue to work on these things!
Whew! I feel better just getting it all out! :)
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