Weeping

Today was not good, created regrets and feeling guilt. I broke my own heart and now his usual treatment feels magnified. Today inhave realized that physical contact is dead to me, it does nothing for me anymore it's been officially ruined. Why is a such a dick to me, why does he hate me so much. Why does he work against out marriage and not for it, after all this was his idea to get married so fast. I cant stop crying today and I want to cut. I wont but I really want too. I want to feel that sting in order to not feel this stupid heart ache. Why ......why the fuxk is this happening to me, i want to go in the living room and just shake him and say "fuxkinf stop this already, get the fuxk over it you selfish prick". When will this end.