Weekend Ended in Disappointment

I agreed to meet with a friend here in Denver on Sunday. Although there were circumstances that held her from being able to see me and it was one after the other. I wish I knew earlier in the day that she probably would not be able to accompany me. I have such a friend problem and she is my last best friend now that Sarah has moved to Shanghai for school. My mom as shown interest in moving back to Chicago "home." I think that this might be a good idea for me as well all of my family is there and it's a great palace to live and work. I think there is a greater gay population and more gay-friendly people. I am sadden by the fact that I have no connections to Colorado anymore. I think that it is coming time that I move from where I have been for so many years. The only things that are holding me back here are my health difficulties and my parents are ready here to help me if I was to relapse. However, with my medications and proper therapy and doctors I can make it somewhat on my own. Though, I am still afraid to loose that support system (my mom and dad).  It still just makes me sad. I attempt to make plans with old fiends so I can go out with someone. I never get to enjoy time with a friend, so when the opportunity arises I like taking advantage of it. When I am pushed back and back and back from someone's schedule it hurts so much. I took a xanax to calm myself down and now I want to sleep. But, then again I am tired from running around all day with anticipation to see Kate. Is it me? Is it my attitude... who I am? I understand that I am different than I was in high school and even two years ago, but I know that Katie understands my illness and what it can do to me.  It's 4:00pm and I have waited an entire day to spend a few hours with Katie. I just don't understand.  So my car broke so I had to buy a different one. I bought a 2001 Buick Century. Its a total boat, huge. I don't like it that much so I am waiting until Tuesday to look at some more cars in the lot. One of the owners said to wait until Tuesday when the auction cars get to the lot. I hope there is a car that fits me well and doesn't cost too much more than the Buick. Oh and the Volvo I couldn't get because it needed all new breaks and  was going to be extremely expensive after repairs, so I stil have the old Buick. However, I must say that its is growing on me... But I need/want something else something younger friendly.  Why is life like this? why do I have to obsess over friendships? I think that I used to have the benefit of so many friends and now I am alone. Almost everything is gone in that respect. Most the of the people I meet now turnout to be simply passing meetings. I have an appointment tomorrow morning with a doctor that supplies licenses for medicinal marijuana. It might help my nausea, but I think that I am going to blow him off. I don't really like pot and I know I not need to spend the money for something I don't need. I hope tonight she calls and wants to go to dinner. I don't like going to breakfast, because I don't really enjoy that meal.  What has changed between me and my friends? Why cant we be happy together? Where did own trust for each other go? I am going to stop witting now because it is depressing me more than I need right now.