Weekend, Decision is made...

Well it was an ok weekend.  I went in boughts of feeling good and having fun with family and friends, to boughts of being really sad and thinking too much about my stbx.   I drank both friday and saturday nights, and there is no doubt that drinking really makes me feel sad after a while.  At first I feel good, but then later, especially the next day, I feel really sad. So im going to try and cut back a bit, hopefully with me having the kids more this week and next week, I really wont have a chance to drink until at least the following weekend.  The 2 week break will be good for my brain. I have made my decision about moving. Im not.  At least not now.  Maybe before Zac starts his next school year.  But for now im staying.   My parents are struggling with money right now, the stock market has really hit them hard.  I dont want to be a burden on them. Im too old to do that. Also if im in my hometown, I know that right now, I will use my friends and family as an excuse to drink too much.  And drinking just makes me feel worse.   I need to be here, saving money, and working.  I can still go visit when I want, there is nothing stopping me, and they are only 1.5 hours away. Of course the greatest part of this decision is I will see Collin as much or more than ever!  My stbx stopped over at lunch to bring me my computer that my son had used over the weekend. We exchanged dates in our planners and there were 3 extra days in the next 3 weeks that I get the boys!!!!  Now if I moved out of town i would have missed all those days!  It is obvious that with the new boysfriend, and my stbx's new outlook on life, she plans to be more social.  Which is sad for me, but a hidden blessing as well.  The more she does, the more I get my boys!   So now its about finding a job, and finding one very very soon. Like this week. Im still very concerned about my knee. But I have no choice but to go to work and see if holds up.  If it dont, well i'll have to worry about my options then.  I have been talking to a woman I met online, on the phone. Her name is Becky and she is a ton of fun to talk to. We have so much in common.  It is wierd to have an actual adult conversation with a woman who is near my age.  I must have laughed 1000x when talking to her last night (we talked for 4hours!).   I forogt that I can actually be funny, and that I love to laugh and crack jokes.  I had lost that for so long.       I know im not ready for any kind of relationship.   I dont want to hurt her so ive been honest with her about my situation.   I told her we will just take it slow and be friends.  Its nice having someone to talk to. Someone who genuinely seems to enjoy talking to ME. Someone who is interested in ME.   It helps me to realize that my stbx may not want to be with me anymore, but maybe there are others who find me appealing.