Weepy......
I have wondered why why have I been weepy more lately.....Well, no wonder it is
18 months today since my baby went to Heaven....I can not imagine that I have not
seen him, talked to him, held his hand, hear him laugh, help me with my computer
18 Months ago, How could it be 18 months when it seems like yesterday....How can it
be possible that my life was put on hold 18 months ago....How can it be that each
minute, each hour for 18 months I have missed my son so much....How can it be that
if this is how it feel this bad at 18 months....that in 36 weeks ....that 48 weeks....
and on and on....the hours...the days...the weeks....THE PAIN.....How I miss you my
son.....how I wish to just be with you again....just to have a talk....just to hear "I
Love you.....It's this simple....if death is simple..........I MISS YOU MORE THAN I EVER
DID....I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I EVER DID.....MY PAIN IS AS DEEP AS IT EVER WAS..
EIGHTEEN MONTHS AND I AM JUST AS WEEPY AND SAD AS I WAS EIGHTEEN
MONTHS AGO.....This has been the most difficult, longest journey I have ever
Traveled.....and it will be until the day we see each other again.....I hope you
know, I hope you can feel my love for you is everlasting.....MISSING YOU KEN...
MY SON, MY BABY, MY FRIEND.....I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH....
One day at a time is all I can do....I will still cry....I will always be sad....I will
always miss you forever.....I would give anything if this has never happened
I would give anything to have taken you place...This just seems so unreal to
me that you should be gone before me....We should have had so many years
together, to share, to laugh, to talk, to grow old together....that is what we
should have had.....I love you my son....yesterday, today and forever......
Forever your mom, Forever your my son....I love you,,,,mom
18 months today since my baby went to Heaven....I can not imagine that I have not
seen him, talked to him, held his hand, hear him laugh, help me with my computer
18 Months ago, How could it be 18 months when it seems like yesterday....How can it
be possible that my life was put on hold 18 months ago....How can it be that each
minute, each hour for 18 months I have missed my son so much....How can it be that
if this is how it feel this bad at 18 months....that in 36 weeks ....that 48 weeks....
and on and on....the hours...the days...the weeks....THE PAIN.....How I miss you my
son.....how I wish to just be with you again....just to have a talk....just to hear "I
Love you.....It's this simple....if death is simple..........I MISS YOU MORE THAN I EVER
DID....I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I EVER DID.....MY PAIN IS AS DEEP AS IT EVER WAS..
EIGHTEEN MONTHS AND I AM JUST AS WEEPY AND SAD AS I WAS EIGHTEEN
MONTHS AGO.....This has been the most difficult, longest journey I have ever
Traveled.....and it will be until the day we see each other again.....I hope you
know, I hope you can feel my love for you is everlasting.....MISSING YOU KEN...
MY SON, MY BABY, MY FRIEND.....I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH....
One day at a time is all I can do....I will still cry....I will always be sad....I will
always miss you forever.....I would give anything if this has never happened
I would give anything to have taken you place...This just seems so unreal to
me that you should be gone before me....We should have had so many years
together, to share, to laugh, to talk, to grow old together....that is what we
should have had.....I love you my son....yesterday, today and forever......
Forever your mom, Forever your my son....I love you,,,,mom
Replies
I understand how you feel. I am at 20 months(but whose counting). This is absolutely the worst nightmare in our lives, may God Bless us all Sandi. Love & Hugs Susan
I just passed the 18 month mark - it is horrendous to realize that it is so permanent.
Love and hugs, Marlene
Sandi, my heart breaks for you, I feel your pain.It was just 9 months for me and I felt as though I could have written your journal entry myself.. Love and warm hugs to you....Love , Marcia
Hi
Sandi--I\'m at 15 months, and I, too, feel it is so unreal...........this is my life now, and when the tears take over, I think it is just good to let them come, even tho it leaves you feeling absolutely like you\'ll never be Ok again. I\'m sure our Ken and Erik WANT us to be OK, so we try. Love, Margery Ann
Hi Sandi,, I am approaching the 3rd \"anniversary\" of Jenn\'s angel date..
I found my 1st - 2nd year to be the worst... this 2nd - 3rd year has been better.. not that I don\'t miss my baby, I will every day I live but it is better.
Hugs to you dear friend, MaryLou
I agree with MaryLou. The first 2 years were absolutely horrible. The pain doesn\'t go away and you never quit missing them, it seems you just become able to tolerate it better. I guess you learn to work around it and see past it. It never goes away ladies and there are still times it just slaps you down and gets you in the \"choke hold\", but it does become more tolerable. I would have never believed it at the stages you are, but I just passed the 4 year anniversary and I actually enjoy life for the most part. There is hope...love and hugs...Lynn
hi sandi, it has only been 3 months since my ethans angle date but i can honestly say i know how you feel. for me right now it seems like the more time that goes by the more reality sinks in and i am missing him so much more. i will be praying for you. teresa.
Sandi, my heart aches with yours - for you and Ken, for Josh and me, for all the moms at FMO. I just want to hug you and send you my love, Leda
I don\'t think time has nothing to do with a mother\'s love for her child, you will always love Ken and will always miss him just as I will always love Jason. We just become accustomed to our new life without our sons but we will always miss him and love them just as we did the day they first left us. God bless you Sandi... Terry
Whoops -- just noticed I have a grammar error -- I used a double negative. I meant to say Time has nothing to do with a Mother\'s love. I think you all know what I meant. Terry
Thank all of you my dear friends for sharing your thoughts and your feelings along with my journal...Each of us know this horrible pain we have to endure...I believe that when we get to this time since our child has been gone, we haven\'t seen them...it seems like a lifetime and yet we start to know it is not going to change....we can\'t go back and rewind the clock..oh how all of us wish we could...It does change....it still hurts...and sometime unbearable...yet I guess we have no choice to take each day as it comes..I think what Lynn (I8gra) has said it will still slap us down,,yet in some way it does become more tolerable...Even though I never felt I would never ever quit crying...I don\'t cry each day....I guess it is called \"LIFE\" and in someway we do continue to live....To all of you who are still so early in this journey...remember we have all felt what your feeling and for all of you that are farther along than others...you can help us with the steps....Thanks to all...Love to all who feel this pain and for whatever reasons we are on this journey together...I love all of you so much and the support you give me...
Sandi As Ter1 said \"Time has nothing to do with a Mother\'s love\"...To our children we send them our love.....we truly miss you all...
Terry hit the nail on the head. As Mothers we love our children through thick and thin, nothing will take that away. Death doesn\'t take it away , thats how powerful it is. I hope you have a better tomarrow.
Hugs Penny
Forever and always our longing and love for our children will be ours. Thank goodness nothing can ever change that. Gentler days are beginning to be mine as I approach my third year without my precious son. He\'s in BLISS and I must try to find my pockets of peace whenever and wherever I can. Here\'s to gentler days for each of us. Hugs, Joanie
Sending you love my friend
My dear friend, I look back at notes, and I say notes b/c there were days I couldn\'t write.....at times I was crying......the words are blured together.. The second year hit so hard I didn\'t think I\'d survive.. Yet I did and we go on.........offering prayers up for you and all our Moms. Pat