Wednesday, July 11, 2012
My Dearest Darling Darrell,
I feel like I'm improving - feeling a bit more positive about the future these days, and a little less shaky. I'd made the 2-day mark without any tears.
But...of course there has to be a "but"...this afternoon I thought about perhaps meeting someone else and falling in love again. I know I have lots of room in my heart for love of many people. It wasn't that. It was that I haven't yet released you and that wouldn't be fair to someone else. I can't remove my wedding ring from my finger. I've tried, but my heart has welded it there. And, I can't remove your pictures that are plastered everywhere around the house. Your eyes in those pictures are looking straight at me, smiling always; how can I take that away and hide it in a drawer? So my dilemma is, how can I ever think of bringing someone else into my house, let alone my heart, when I have you enshrined in both? That's what set off the tears and sobs again.
Then I went to the Daily Strength website and read the comments from members who attended a get-together in Las Vegas. Their comments were so very witty and hilarious that I nearly wet my pants. My stomach, sides and face hurt from laughing so hard, but it felt so good to laugh - to be so out of control with laughter. I remember how you would laugh your head off at me whenever I went on a laughing jag, and how good it felt for both of us.
So, My Darling, that's it - tears and laughter, tears and laughter. One step back, one step forward. So goes the dance of grief...
I love you and miss you and will see you tonight before I drift off to sleep...
Terry
I feel like I'm improving - feeling a bit more positive about the future these days, and a little less shaky. I'd made the 2-day mark without any tears.
But...of course there has to be a "but"...this afternoon I thought about perhaps meeting someone else and falling in love again. I know I have lots of room in my heart for love of many people. It wasn't that. It was that I haven't yet released you and that wouldn't be fair to someone else. I can't remove my wedding ring from my finger. I've tried, but my heart has welded it there. And, I can't remove your pictures that are plastered everywhere around the house. Your eyes in those pictures are looking straight at me, smiling always; how can I take that away and hide it in a drawer? So my dilemma is, how can I ever think of bringing someone else into my house, let alone my heart, when I have you enshrined in both? That's what set off the tears and sobs again.
Then I went to the Daily Strength website and read the comments from members who attended a get-together in Las Vegas. Their comments were so very witty and hilarious that I nearly wet my pants. My stomach, sides and face hurt from laughing so hard, but it felt so good to laugh - to be so out of control with laughter. I remember how you would laugh your head off at me whenever I went on a laughing jag, and how good it felt for both of us.
So, My Darling, that's it - tears and laughter, tears and laughter. One step back, one step forward. So goes the dance of grief...
I love you and miss you and will see you tonight before I drift off to sleep...
Terry
Replies
Oh Terry I so understand. My wedding ring fits perfectly inside Don\'s ring. I wear them both still. I just can\'t take them off. I still feel married and don\'t know that it will ever change.
I do work at finding joy, smile, and laughter in each day. If only for a moment.
Glad to have you as a friend,
Hugs,
Vicki