Wednesday, February 27, 2008

well.... i also found out that we should have gotten kidney ultrasoubds done when we lost our first son. The van city ppl said that it would be a good idea. If him or I are in fact missing a kidney, then that could be why this happened! So anyways, when we did return home after everything, we asked our doc if there were any tests we should have gotten done, and he said "no" Which is wierd because van city ppl said they faxed a report to our doc telling him we SHOULD have kidney ultrasounds done!!! I was pissed at my doc, but then i realized that they probably sent them to our prenatal doc at the time, and he ignored it since he didn't ever see us again!!! So i m pissed at him!!! lol...either way, i wish we would have gotten this done before, but i guess we have to do it now!!!Physically i feel drained, disgusting and sick. I thought everything would have passed right now, but that's ok...i just hope my little baby is ok!Now that Vancouver is draawing nearer (sorta) i'm getting mentally tired and stressed. I'm afraid that we will go down there and have that whole noghtmare happen over again!! I've been crying alot lately worrying about things, and i dont know how to stop!!! My tummy wasn't getting firm until 5 mos. in my first pregnancy, but now i think it is getting there at only 3 mos, so maybe thats a good sign, but i dunno!!! I just dont think i will be able to hear that terrible news ever again! I would die inside, and probably become very depressed again! I just dont want to hear that again!!!I keep thinking that i will lie down on that ultraound bed again and the nurse will be trying to find something that isn't there and say "i cant see any kidneys...... we have to do a vagianl ultrasound......no...wait i might see one... nope... there doesn't appear to be any kidneys!" I dont wanna go through that again...but i'm trying to stay positive for my baby and my fiance!!!