Wednesdays
Hello SOTH - Sigh.....Wednesdays...so many memories on Wednesdays...I would take my daughter to Chemo on Wednesdays..it was the one day I could spend all day with her enjoying every moment even though it was also a tough day. Jennifer often kept me at arms length and we would often argue or bicker about stupid stuff so we learned to keep our visits short and sweet. But on Wednesdays, it was most of the day with my daughter doing whatever she wanted or needed to do. I felt so needed and I loved it when she would say "mom"....Oh how I want those Wednesdays back...just one more...to say whatever I didn't say...to just be there...to be needed.. I really didn't know her time would be so short...what would I have done differently...what would have I said differently....those 36 years of her life...it seems like a vapor now - such a hole in my heart - my only child - I miss her sooo much.
The dreaded Mother's Day is almost here......I was in shock last year since my mother died just 1 month before BUT I had my daughter.....Now I find myself this year not in shock BUT hating the upcoming day to celebrate Mothers...wish I had mine and more than that wish I had my daughter - sounds so selfish....me, me , me.....I will survive THE DAY just like any other day but just never thought I would feel so damn sad, never thought I would be without my daughter...SIGH---
Thanking you sisters in advance - I know you are out there holding my heart and catching my tears and hugging me through it. Vicki
The dreaded Mother's Day is almost here......I was in shock last year since my mother died just 1 month before BUT I had my daughter.....Now I find myself this year not in shock BUT hating the upcoming day to celebrate Mothers...wish I had mine and more than that wish I had my daughter - sounds so selfish....me, me , me.....I will survive THE DAY just like any other day but just never thought I would feel so damn sad, never thought I would be without my daughter...SIGH---
Thanking you sisters in advance - I know you are out there holding my heart and catching my tears and hugging me through it. Vicki
Replies
Mother\'s Day used to be a big deal for me. So many things had been expected. My son Patrick always showing with flowers, roses. I never liked roses not on the bush, and I would always chuckle at how proud he was to give them to me. Now I get thorns..seem fitting for the day. I have decided that I will maybe take in a movie by myself this year. My husband is going to a baseball game. I will try to get rough it by doing a hole different kind of day. I will be praying for us all, Lauri
Holding your hand and your heart as you courageously take these healing steps. You are feeling and as painful as it is you must in order to heal. None of us could have known that our time with our children would be so short and oh, I\'m with you on that one... Deepest of sighs...
It is just a \"day\" and you will figure out what you need to do to move through it. A mother you will always BE and a daughter you will always BE. All of that is still true and you carry your mother and daughter deep within you.
The sadness is part of this path and it hurts like nothing ever has in this lifetime nor will. Move into it as you are, feel it and come here for the comfort of knowing that I walk alongside of you as do all of our sisters of the heart.
Hoping you feel your Jennifer and your mother today and in the days ahead.
Deepest of care to cradle your broken heart and SO much understanding,
XO Joanie
The expression of your true emotion can never sound selfish. It is true, yes you will survive the day. We survive birthdays and Angel days and every single day along this grief path, but oh how we miss our precious child.
Take care of yourself Vicki.
Hugs to you,
Rebecca
I\'m dreading my first Mother\'s Day, too, w/o my older son -the one who made me a mother in the first place.
Hope you make it thru Sunday ok.
Hugs,
Donna
Mother\'s day is a created \"holiday\", a money maker: cards, candy, flowers, etc. When I was growing up, no one even heard of it or, if they did, I certainly don\'t remember it! It\'s artificial. Don\'t let an artificial agenda hurt you. I have decided to put a rose on the door of about ten women here in my apartment complex who are mothers (most of whom are almost old enough to be my mother), anonymously on Sunday. I have also consecrated this day to the Blessed Mother, MY Mammon, MY Mama, and will leave the remainder of the roses in church. We need to *see* things differently now, not as the world *sees* them. My biological mother, Mae, died on Mother\'s day in 2010. 2010 was one of the worst years of my life, I lost my daughter on March 2, 2011, so Mother\'s Day lost all of the social significance and it has taken these years for me to find another, greater significance. God bless you and comfort you.
We are holding your hand. We need each other during these fragile days.
I am entertaining neighbours on Sunday. I find if I have a focus, I do better. They will understand if I get teary eyed but we will laugh and enjoy each others\' company too.
Tight hugs,
Marlene
Vicki, reading your journal so took me back to my Jenn\'s cancer illness...
I would go by her house every morning on my way to work, and if I went into work depended upon how I found her... bad days I\'d call my second and just say, I won\'t be in today... good days I\'d go in, but she knew I was only 5-10 minutes away if she needed me. My bosses were so good to me during her illness. We would just sit together on her couch is that was all she needed. .. she was very open about telling me that\'s all she needed...no talking, just being together. Oh, how I miss that. It\'s been over 5 years and its still hard.
Hugs as Sunday approaches... I remember the first Mothers day after my mom died and now that Jenns gone too... am lucky I still have Kate though and my step daughters.. but one is missing...and its not the same.
Hugs, MaryLou
I also have no mom and my only child died. So when Mothers Day comes I just feel so empty. In fact I have no family all gone accept a sister but we are,nt close.. All we can do is miss our moms and daughters and hope we see them again someday, Hugs Mary Ann
Oh honey, you are not alone. My daughter lives in Ga. and my son is in heaven. I lost my mother a long time ago. Mother\'s day will be sad for lots of us. So from one soth to another, happy Mother\'s day. You are loved !!!
((((HUGS))))....Julia
May you feel a soft whisper, a breeze when not possible, a sweet smell that catches your attention at just the right moment and know your daughter is thinking of you, loving you. We spend so much time on the \"what if\", \"if only\" and \"Should of, could of, would of\" that it\'s hard to believe we did our best in the time we had. I have always believed we are here on earth, each with a mission, a task to complete and when we finish our job ~ God takes us home. Our children were just quicker to finish their tasks. (((hugs))) and may you find a sweet memory that helps you smile on Sunday.