We hold on to their things otherwise it means they are gone

We hold on to their things because if we get rid of certain things that will mean that they are really gone, we don't want to acknowledge the fact that they are really and truly gone.  I had to deposit my late-husbands income tax refund and that hurt me to the core because it really and truly means he is not coming back to me.  I don't want to acknowledge that fact.  What is going to hurt me the most is when the estate finally gets settled, which will mean no my Smokey is not coming back and yes he is gone.  Smokey has died.  It is a hard and hurtful thing to acknowledge but it is realistic.  Reality sucks.