We begin again...
Just got the call, I will be starting my estrace tomorrow for a possible FET date of 5/12. I am so not ready for any of this after losing Max, but on we go. Currently I am experiencing one of the, if not the worst periods of my life (after they had me on birth control with no periods for 3 months) and continuously reminding myself why I am doing this to myself. I have still not allowed myself to hope and always use the phrase, "IF we have a baby," instead of "WHEN we have a baby." Of course I want to have my rainbow baby but past experience, grief, depression, etc has not provided a great environment for hope.
I have already decided that if this FET does not work, we will be going on a cruise to get away for a bit. If it works, I won't be able to travel due to being high risk, so I am getting really excited for my cruise in the hopes that that will be my big disappointment instead of a failed FET. Oh the logic...
Replies
Sometimes we have to lie to ourselves and just hope that the lie comes true... everything will be ok. Thinking of you :)
Thank You! Yes, I have become an expert at lying to myself :)
I will be praying hard for you. You deserve this and it can happen! You were pregnant before and you can do it again. I totally get that this is terrifying after what you've been through. Focus on self care these next few weeks and do things that you love. It is ok to feel discouraged and negative after all the pain you've experienced, but don't forget to look at the positive things happening in your life as well. Thinking of you. Xoxo
Thank you BecMarie, I am trying very hard to stay positive. I know it is better for me and my mental state, but it is just so damn hard!