We are both mad.
I asked him today to take the OW of his e-mail acct. and that went bad. He says he is doing everything in his power to make things better and I just keep bring things up cause I don't trust him. Then i get upset because of course he said he would do anything to make this work and get me back. I know I have not right to control anyone's e-mail acct. but considering the situation I feel I have the right to ask this little thing from him. We tried to talk it over but got no where. Then I asked him when he was going to put his clothes back in the dresser because he has one bag of clothes here after I kicked him out. He's reply was when he feels more secure. That broke my heart because if he wanted to be here then he wouldn't say that. I should be the one with some leverage not him. He shouldn't be the one who feels insecure.
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I am so sorry this is even more difficult on you. At first my H kept up contact with the OW. I finally after about a month (during which time I caught him contacting her 3 times after he said he wouldn\'t), I finally came to the point that I decided that if he could not 100% cut off all contact and be honest with me, than as much as it would hurt, I would leave. I told him that and I meant it. I guess that finally woke him up and thus far he has been true to his word. All email accounts that I did not have passwords to were shut down and he deleted her off his contact. I am not saying you should do that with your H. We each have to decide what is the best way we can and should handle things Just know we are all here praying for you.
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I should have added that he needs to be honest with himself and you and admit that as long as he has any contact with her, your relationship has no chance of surviving. I also told my H that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that I deserved better than what he was giving me. I deserved a man that would love and honor me 100% and I wanted that man to be him. But if it wasn\'t than as much as it would hurt me, I would survive without him. I am thankful that he chose to stay and as long as this nightmare is never repeated, I will stay devoted to him and our marriage.
I think that deleting her from an email account is a basic and essential step. If I ever find my wife has contact the OM again, that would be it. I know everyones story is different, but for me he is actively saying to you that he wants to stay in touch with this woman. Right now, I think you have every right to control his email accounts as much as you need to so you can feel safe. If he has things to hide, then he is not moving on with you.
Right now he is probably scared and insecure and probably should be. His heart is in your hands now. It is up to you what happens, so if he did feel secure then there would be something wrong with him. But he should be doing everything in his power to help you find the strength to stay, and understand that the main thing you need if proof that he is 1000 per cent committed to you.
Wish you strength and peace.
Thank you both for the helpful words, strength wishes and prayers:)Tonight we went to his fire dept.Christmas party. I was happy because I thought I looked nice and my hair actually cooperated with me. Plus the 10 pounds I\'ve lost in the last week and a half might help some. On the way there I caught him staring at me and I said \"what?\" And he said he was just looking at how pretty I was tonight. I smiled and said thank you.....Made me feel so good inside=)