we all want stuff

I was at the pub a little while ago.

I treated myself to a nice tall drink and a plate of cheese curds, followed

by a diet coke and a whipped cream topped bowl of ice cream.

It got me to thinking. I am very aware that I am who I am - flaws and all  - I know I have my faults

and grumpiness - but after accepting that fact that I had all these sides - rather than idealized perfectiong -

made communicating with the folks

at O'Lordans so much more real and disarming. My outlook seemed to attract folks and their

warmth - rather than the opposite. I found myself on the ride home - fighting myself -

as the ego or whatever you want to call it - this thing inside me that kept trying to creep

in to upset me - it was like a power hungry source that wanted to give me pain.

And block my attention for how to get on in the world = and instead contend with it and it's

high flying enthusiasm -

I know this may sound like a total turn of attitude - but please allow me

my experimentation - As I drove home - I thought of all the ways we need to be considerate -

and yet then also we have to consider our own wants and desires and survival  - It was all too much to 

consider and juggle at one time ....I thought about when I had studied Buddhism - and how the chanting for what you want and the looking

directly at the altar - rather than with head bowed - really made sense - 
It should be in religion that we go for what we want - by chanting we are incarnating the responsibility that's

our for manifesting those desires - and it's our responsibility to do this in Buddism - to follow through - 

as well it felt like that we should have a religion that keeps us feeling

like we are yet another human being 'wanting things' and not just objectified to the point of humble

inaction because of our potential transgressions. I dunno - and not human since we are not 'perfect' - make sense?

- that's what I am thinking about right now -

Just food for thought - or a big chew for you Arfie :)