Watching what I eat.

Today I am feeling much better.  After all the nausea, I decided to do more research and found a bunch of forums where they talk about the stomach upset of quitting smoking.  It all made a bunch of sense to me.  My blood sugar is off, my metabolism is off, my stomach acids are off, and my eating seems never ending.  So with all of these temporary problems, I have to learn to eat just a little at a time.  No more big meals.  My stomach just cannot digest them as fast as they did when I smoked.  I also have cut the Chantix down to .5 mg twice a day.  Well, I'll see what happens today. 
So, I used the phone today.  My father called.  I thought about not answering it again, but I do have to face this issue.  Well......during our conversations he was telling me that he had to get his results from the doctor today or Thursday about his heart and also see about the cancer thing..............CANCER THING?  I thought what the fuck is he talking about?  He never ever told me he had any sort of cancer.  I knew he had two stints put in for his heart after his heart attacks, but CANCER?  He said that he's had it for about two years and he didn't want to worry me.  He said it was no big deal and that it was such a small tumor that in the past two years has not grown and the doctors believe that it is in some sort of remission state.  No, I don't believe him.  I don't now why, but I don't believe that any sort of doctor would do nothing for a small tumor.    So I didn't inquire anymore about it.  I mean why should I at this point.  He'll tell me more when he feels comfortable enough.  I don't like to push people into telling me things.......I don't like that feeling that I'm prying into something that maybe they want to keep private.  I have horrible anxiety and I know that some times I can feel that talking about something will just push me into an attack. Besides, I didn't even tell him that I quit smoking.......I don't know why, I guess it might have made him feel really bad that he doesn't quit.  I don't like making people feel bad.
Well, I will hopefully write more later.  It's not even noon yet, and I'm sure I'll have more to write as the day goes on.
7:30pm - Well, somehow everything that I just typed got erased so I will breeze through it.  I had my first panic attack today since I quit smoking.  I thought that smoking caused them, but I guess I was just plain fucking wrong.  What is ever going to make them go away?  Also, my book arrived today!!! The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr.  I've breezed through a couple of chapters and well it's not quite as good as everyone has said, but like I said, I've only gone through a couple of chapter and hopefully it will get better.  If it ends up to be a bad book than that's ok, I didn't pay very much and bought it used off of Amazon.  Well, here is looking to have a smoke free day again tomorrow, hopefully with no panic!



I am glad you answered the phone, but deffinately sooo sorry about hearing the C word. It is such a nasty word! I lost 5 dear sweet friends to lung cancer in 2010!! So I am getting myself into all the lung cancer support I can. I want to be the Susan G. Coleman for lung cancer!! Look what just starting with her name, look what took off like a shot and thank God there are more Breast cancer survivors than any cancer there is!! And lung cancer there are more deaths than any cancer. Part of the reason is lung cancer ihas a bad rap because they blame smokers for it which is not true. anyway, dont worry about if you are prying, dont worry about anything you do, this is a difficult situation and I would be stressed and would shake him and make him tell me EVERYTHING or else! LOL Anyway, just take it 1 minute at a time. BUT I am still BEGGING you to get over the phone problem and calling me would be great cause I am getting used to it. I rarely bothers me at all now. Thats because I took the time, held my breath, and dialed!! Now its fine. So hopefully you still have the message I sent you with my phone number and you will CALL ME!! We have a greater chance of making it if we do it together!!!
Up to you,,,, I am challenging you to do it.............