Watching TV then bam I miss Smokey so much

I am sitting in my chair watching TV then it hits me how much I miss Smokey.  It is peculiar how it can hit you just out of the blue like that with no warning.  It's not as if I was jumping around dancing but that's not the point.  The point is the painful grief can hit you without any warning and you just cry.  I just do not get that you are not allowed that much time off work for a death in your life.  It is the most painful feeling when you lose someone.  I am looking for work so have more time in my life than those that have a job.  When you are alone, you really feel the pain in your heart.  It was hard when I came back from Vancouver Island to an empty apartment.  The grief hit me really hard.