Was this appropriate? Idk...
Okay, so...first of all, I apologize for not being around much the last three or four days. Hopefully by the time this day is over, everyone who has journals, messages, etc. for me will hear from me (if not, certainly by tomorrow night).
Said last few days has been...rough. No, it's not the fault of anyone here.
So, my immediate supervisor at work -- the one I have most of the time because I primarily work on his side of the pharmacy -- has a habit of looking up news stories on his computer terminal during his lunch break. On Monday, he was looking up the story of this bizarre multiple shooting in Las Vegas -- I will not go into details -- and he was reading off some of the grisly latest details that came out.
I'm still feeling vulnerable at the moment, so the result of hearing that -- since there is no good place to hide in the pharmacy -- was ugly. I try to tell myself that it's done and over with and wasn't anywhere near me, but right now things like this are still very much triggers. Sparing you the details, it led to two very hard nights under the covers back-to-back, and both were of the guns-blazing-heading-right-for-my-head variety. I don't want to go into details about that here, I'm only going to say that the same nightmare came up two straight nights at the "convenient" (maybe for the nightmare) time of 1am.
Yesterday, apparently it happened again. This time it was a school shooting in Oregon. My fuse is already lit -- although it tends to be long -- because at this point I'm seriously afraid of another six or seven week span of broken sleep which I obviously cannot afford. The supervisor in question was having a rough morning; his wife had just taken a fall and sprained her knee bad enough that he had to take her to the emergency room. Yet, the first thing out of his mouth when he came back around 12:30 was of this shooting...he had just heard about it on the radio.
He means no harm and I should have allowed him a break, but I felt a need to protect myself so I detonated my internal fuse: "Can we just drop that topic right here and now?"
He did, simply saying "Okay", and no other mention was made of it. But that night, I still felt kinda guilty for doing this. I texted a colleague who I shared mobile numbers with and told her I felt bad doing what I did because after all, he's the supervisor.
She thought I did the right thing because she didn't want to hear about it either. I'm not so sure. It's kinda biting at me. What do you think?
(Later today, I'll be posting a video journal that I did the other day, early in the morning. It's going to be for my friends only in the tightest extent possible.)
Said last few days has been...rough. No, it's not the fault of anyone here.
So, my immediate supervisor at work -- the one I have most of the time because I primarily work on his side of the pharmacy -- has a habit of looking up news stories on his computer terminal during his lunch break. On Monday, he was looking up the story of this bizarre multiple shooting in Las Vegas -- I will not go into details -- and he was reading off some of the grisly latest details that came out.
I'm still feeling vulnerable at the moment, so the result of hearing that -- since there is no good place to hide in the pharmacy -- was ugly. I try to tell myself that it's done and over with and wasn't anywhere near me, but right now things like this are still very much triggers. Sparing you the details, it led to two very hard nights under the covers back-to-back, and both were of the guns-blazing-heading-right-for-my-head variety. I don't want to go into details about that here, I'm only going to say that the same nightmare came up two straight nights at the "convenient" (maybe for the nightmare) time of 1am.
Yesterday, apparently it happened again. This time it was a school shooting in Oregon. My fuse is already lit -- although it tends to be long -- because at this point I'm seriously afraid of another six or seven week span of broken sleep which I obviously cannot afford. The supervisor in question was having a rough morning; his wife had just taken a fall and sprained her knee bad enough that he had to take her to the emergency room. Yet, the first thing out of his mouth when he came back around 12:30 was of this shooting...he had just heard about it on the radio.
He means no harm and I should have allowed him a break, but I felt a need to protect myself so I detonated my internal fuse: "Can we just drop that topic right here and now?"
He did, simply saying "Okay", and no other mention was made of it. But that night, I still felt kinda guilty for doing this. I texted a colleague who I shared mobile numbers with and told her I felt bad doing what I did because after all, he's the supervisor.
She thought I did the right thing because she didn't want to hear about it either. I'm not so sure. It's kinda biting at me. What do you think?
(Later today, I'll be posting a video journal that I did the other day, early in the morning. It's going to be for my friends only in the tightest extent possible.)
Replies
Given the circumstances, and that you have a colleague who sounds like she was grateful that you asked your supervisor to drop the topic, it doesn\'t sound like you were out of line or anything like that. I\'m assuming your tone wasn\'t angry or sarcastic or snippy; surely if it was your supervisor would\'ve said something to you about that. If your supervisor had no problem ending that line of conversation and it never came up again and he didn\'t say anything to you about what you said or how you said it, then I would assume all is fine and you shouldn\'t let it weigh you down. But if it is still gnawing at you, you could always just ask to speak with him privately the next time you are scheduled to work together and just apologize for the manner in which you handled yourself and just explain (without too much detail) that those sort of scenarios really upset you when you hear about them - chances are good he will understand that on a basic human level and if he had any issue with it at all he\'ll appreciate the honesty and apology and if he didn\'t have anything wrong with it he\'ll say no apology needed.