Warning: This is going to sound very discouraging to some
This morning I caught a break...but my morale is so low that I can't cash it the way that I should be.
I shouldn't be saying this...but I'm at the point where I pretty much have to choose which deadlines I'm going to miss, the gap is that large. The last month, with changing circumstances and completely uncertain paths, has just knocked my stamina clean out...and not having anyone I can at least call (DS can only do so much) is now a lot worse than just a liability.
My mother is perfectly okay if my AS plans have to be extended to spring of 2013 (2 and 1/2 half plan), but that's about the only consolation I have. We've both conceded that to get any kind of support in-house we have to isolate my dad out...and someday he's going to have to find out that I'm not going for the certificate like he thought. When he comes to he's going to be plenty pissed because that's his nature, so realistically any hopes of having any reasonable support base at home is only about a 20% chance, which is basically "not worth the trouble" territory.
Idk what to do...the rest of this semester is now a survival run even if I can hit on all cylinders from this moment on. I really need someone I can at least talk to on the phone, but as I conceded to a friend a few minutes ago, my suspicions of people face-to-face just won't go away (because the issues triggering them won't go away either), so Idk what it will take to convince my heart that I'm not handcuffed to DS.
I shouldn't be saying this...but I'm at the point where I pretty much have to choose which deadlines I'm going to miss, the gap is that large. The last month, with changing circumstances and completely uncertain paths, has just knocked my stamina clean out...and not having anyone I can at least call (DS can only do so much) is now a lot worse than just a liability.
My mother is perfectly okay if my AS plans have to be extended to spring of 2013 (2 and 1/2 half plan), but that's about the only consolation I have. We've both conceded that to get any kind of support in-house we have to isolate my dad out...and someday he's going to have to find out that I'm not going for the certificate like he thought. When he comes to he's going to be plenty pissed because that's his nature, so realistically any hopes of having any reasonable support base at home is only about a 20% chance, which is basically "not worth the trouble" territory.
Idk what to do...the rest of this semester is now a survival run even if I can hit on all cylinders from this moment on. I really need someone I can at least talk to on the phone, but as I conceded to a friend a few minutes ago, my suspicions of people face-to-face just won't go away (because the issues triggering them won't go away either), so Idk what it will take to convince my heart that I'm not handcuffed to DS.
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HUGS