wanting to cut

I've been in Dubai the past few days and it's been really hot, or at least I consider it really hot. Because it's so hot it's been so hard to cover up the scars on my wrists. They're not big and the ones that didn't fade away are mostly only on my left wrist. I usually wear three bracelets that cover the cuts, but with the heat today it was so hard to keep them on. We were with family friends and the woman with us noticed at least one of the scars, I spent the entire day worried that she might mention it to my mom or something, but I guess she only saw one of the cuts and thought it was an accident or something. Since I came home I've been constantly worrying, and now with my surgery on Tuesday, what if one of the Dr's notices the cuts and mentions it to my parents. I thought about telling them, but I know if I do, there would be so many reactions that I don't want to face. First of all they'll blame themselves for not noticing or letting me travel on my own or that kind of thing which isn't true because it's not their fault. They've always been caring and they've been good parents. Second of all, they would want to help, if they decide to help I know that they want me to return and stay home, continue university there live at home and all that so that they can keep an eye on me and I don't want that. I might not love Toronto so much, but I certainly don't want to live "home." I don't feel like I belong there, I feel out of place, I feel pressured to dress a certain way, live a certain way, and I just don't like it. And third of all, though it's just an assumption, if they find out about it and about how depressed I became after leaving, they most likely would not allow my younger siblings to go study abroad because they'll be worried it'll happen again, and I don't want to be the reason my siblings don't get a chance to experience something they might enjoy. 
I've been wanting to cut so bad lately, especially the past two days. I don't know why. I'm supposed to be on a trip with my family and yet I feel empty and alone. I feel terrible and that makes me think about cutting again and I keep wishing that I had someone to talk to, someone to hold me and help me get through it, it sucks not to have that. It really is the worst feeling.