wanting courage

I just want to go throu life with out feeling the emptyness, saddness, and abandoness. I do feel deserted, fucked up, and i know that my family doesnt really understand me much at all. i cant wait to drop out of college, just find a job and bust my ass at some job until the day i die. I have no idea why i feel this way. i want help but sadly, i dont see it happening.