Wanting a "Do Over"
Hello SOTH - It has been a busy day attempting to empty a few of the many boxes I have of my daughter's. I have a very large storage unit which I haven't touched yet -- working on some things I have here @ home. So as you all know, it is emotionally draining and I have hit the wall and couldn't wait to come to this site as I know you all understand.
Jennifer was adopted @ 3 days old but struggled every day of her 36 year old life with feeling that she never was accepted and loved. It was a life long struggle that she had and unfortunately no matter what we did, she never could really accept our deep love for her. Being my only child, I am now left with such an empty heart and just want a "do over"....I know it wouldn't have changed her heart but I could have kept trying. God filled the void in her heart that she always felt her birth parents had caused. I will love her till I die and I know now it doesn't matter as she is not fighting "her demons" any longer but it really HURTS!!!! After talking with a very close friend of hers, I have some clarity that I didn't have prior to her death but I can't tell her about it, I can't hug her, I WANT A DO OVER!!!!!
My life will never be the same and my heart hurts for every mom that has lost a child. I pray for you all every night and I so appreciate all of you.
Much love & hugs ---Vicki
Jennifer was adopted @ 3 days old but struggled every day of her 36 year old life with feeling that she never was accepted and loved. It was a life long struggle that she had and unfortunately no matter what we did, she never could really accept our deep love for her. Being my only child, I am now left with such an empty heart and just want a "do over"....I know it wouldn't have changed her heart but I could have kept trying. God filled the void in her heart that she always felt her birth parents had caused. I will love her till I die and I know now it doesn't matter as she is not fighting "her demons" any longer but it really HURTS!!!! After talking with a very close friend of hers, I have some clarity that I didn't have prior to her death but I can't tell her about it, I can't hug her, I WANT A DO OVER!!!!!
My life will never be the same and my heart hurts for every mom that has lost a child. I pray for you all every night and I so appreciate all of you.
Much love & hugs ---Vicki
Replies
Dear Vicki, we all have the thoughts of why didn\'t I do this or that? I should of done more. Wish I had said more. That is so normal. Just know that you gave a little 3 day old baby girl a loving home. She might not have gotten such a loving mom, if you didn\'t adopt her. You both were blessed!! Cling to the good memories and just know that we all understand...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
Vicki, I\'m sorry you had such a tough day. Really hard to deal with all the emotions. Thinking of you--Laura
yOU SOUND LIKE ME WHEN MYSWEET DAUGHTER DIED. I WISH I COULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. MY DAUGHTER ALSO WAS A COMPLICATED CHILD I HAD TO RAISE HER ON MY OWN AND IT WAS HARD WORKING AND TRYING TO BE A GOOD MOM. WHEN WE SEE OUR DAUGHTERS AGAIN IN HEAVEN. WE CAN TALK TO THEM AND IT WILL ALL BE IN A LOVING WAY I THINK OUR DAUGHTERS KNOW HOW MUCH WE LOVED THEM. IT IS TOUGH I MISS MY ROZ ALL THE TIME. BLESS YOUR ANGEL BIG HUG AND LOVE MARY ANN
You are such a beautiful, loving and caring mom! Your sweet Jennifer will always be part of your life, because your love for each other will never end. Gentle hugs to you, my dear friend. xoxo
after 4 years ,,, I just,, last week, finally went through 2 of Morgan\'s drawers,,, and that was hard..... please go through her things slowly,,, tis hard to do,,,,love ya!
The majority of us want \"A DO OVER\" regardless of the individual circumstances. Jennifer knows the truth now, I always say my Matthew is now way more intelligent than I will ever be until the day I\'m given all the answers and join him in heaven! Prayers, strength and LOVE sent to you and JENNIFER! Lynette - Matthews mom
Vicki, my son never knew his real father (he denied him although he paid child support). It aches my heart that my son died without ever getting to know the father that he thought he was looking for. However, that is the father\'s loss (although I have never let him know that Michael died). You lost your precious daughter and will meet up with her again!
Peace.