Want to live in peace.
I want to live in peace but I still have to make my life work. So I may live at a monastery and I am a monk (which I love) but the elder has bigger plans for me. He makes my stay there possible, so I have to consider pleasing him and not just going about my own satiations. Everyone has got to make there lives work and knowing this is kind of bringing me down to earth as well as knowing I am within that equation too.
I wrote this to the abbess earlier today:
Oh AA, I know we all have to manage our lives and I’ve been appreciating more of what people go through in life to keep surviving and make their lives and relationships work ongoing. It especially is something I can see now that I’m home with my parents. No judgements on myself or anyone. It’s something I wish I had perspective on when I was first out of college but I’m grateful for these thoughts nevertheless. People make the lives that work for them and they’re constantly striving to keep making those things work and managing them if in fact they work for them. With my personal challenges, these points I’ve been blind to and yet now I have greater respect for others lives and all that it takes to have them. I have to focus on making my life work and not judging myself. I love the monastery and I love being a monk. I tend to be scatterbrained and the thought of being a priest is unnerving but my resolve at this point tells me I will be the kind of priest that I will be. Unique perhaps eccentric. I find my experience deepening and growing over time at St. Nina’s. I see photos of Fathers on the feed looking so perfect and poised but for who I am I find myself more in the role of caring for my brothers and sisters not for who they are supposed to be but for the reality that none of us corner the market on flaws or virtue. And so I find myself loving and empathizing for the life we are living.
Then I wrote:
Should I share what I wrote to you last night with Geronta? I don’t want to make him look bad by my bungling, I feel he ought to be warned too?
and now:
I know I am part of the equation of making my life work, so if I want to live in peace and health I know I have to somehow make that work as well.
Replies
I know it’s a matter of perspective. Make a go of it and enjoy it. The peace and love will come in moments and I definitely know I can find what I seek when I’m back in my cell with Blue.
I think it would be a 'calling'
I would spend some time and pray about it sweetie and then decide if it's what's right for you
I f you don't mind me saying this sweetie
I wouldn't let anyone else talk you in or out of it
Let it be 'your' decision
Big hug...xo
I agree with SunCloud on taking the time to ponder pray and consider the different options-it's truly your individual path, a journey only you can make for yourself. There's a huge balancing action in serving as a monk, and often the battle of words, senses, and values is a full surround stage.
Here's to you going for the peace, calm, and joy of being you.
Your entry was so insightful and validating! Thanks for sharing and reminding us that everyone on planet earth is just trying to "make the life that works for them." I'm not big on judging others, although I feel judged by many. But, I strive to keep making the life that works for me. Have a beautiful holiday and wonderful 2025. (((HUG)))
i seem to be growing ever more convinced that living in peace has little to do with circumstance or even the decisions i make. i live in peace when i can trust that the cosmic forces will guide me through whatever mess i make or what life throws at me.
small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. let god lead the dance.
Thanks guys!!