want out

i dont know what the hell i am doing here. i started my classes as a pharmacy tech and i am unable to keep on track. i feel like i am failing and it is just the start of the second week. i feel like i am drowning. with kids and school and being in pain i dont know what i am going to do. i live with family and they are helping, but i feel like if i ask for more time to study or for them to do anything, i feel like if i even open my mouth i get bitched at. i dont know how to keep this up. it is pushing me more and more out the door. i wanna run back to my husband and i know that is not the solution. he was the one that did most of the things to me that i still have nightmares about. but for some reason i wanna run scared and my heart is wanting to run to him. i feel so disgusting and unlovable and so used up that i dont know if i can keep it together or not. i dont know what to do and i dont know how this will turn out and i am sooooooooooooo scared right now. i dont even want to leave the house. i dont wanna have to do anything but curl up in a ball and sleep. i dont want to have to do anything and the fact that i am doing what i am able and still trying to fight says something i guess, i just dont know what it is saying. i wanna cry out help me somebody anybody and i feel like all i am going to get in response is total silence. i do not like total silence never have never will. but right now i dont know what i should do. so i will end this wirting with HELP!!!!!!!!!!