"Wanna change? Do the work, James!

  Had a pretty good sleep last night. still bugged about my sponsor tho. I feel pissed off about things he said, and don't feel they were right, but like I always say, it's not always about whats right or wrong. what I'm looking at is what is it there to acomplish. So far it's gotten me mad enough to do the work he gave me that I've been dilly, dalying about for awhile. Then there's that part in the big book that keeps crossing my mind everytime I think of what he said. Willingness to do anything, and go to any lengths. I keep asking myself, "Am I  ?". Well, I know I really wasn't before by my actions. Hell, it was a real pain in the ass just doing the simple thing he gave me to do. Seemed like I would put anything else before it. Answering, and reading that stuff was definetly the last thing I wanted to do, so no, I wasn't willing. I am now because I got a bit angry about it, so it is accomplishing something. Doesn't matter if he was right or not about what he said. It's getting me to do what I set out to do. That's the main thing. If I get mad and say things back to him, then I must be defending myself by wanting to make him right, or change how he sees things. Does it matter, really? I don't think so. He's a sober person that has worked the program. Not his program, but the program set out in the book. That's what I set out wanting to do, but just didn't realize that the real work would seem like a pain in the ass. So I will push aside my thoughts of what he said, and focus on what I said I will do. I will do what I said, no matter how I feel. Those feelings don't mean a thing, but my reaction could. If I react on what I feel about what he said, I could say things that will make me feel bad. I could tell him off, and then get a resentment that could cause me not to want to go to meetings, or get focused on taking their inventories. I know how my mind can creat such a big thing out of nothing, so I have to push that shit aside. Fact is, he's sober. has been for many years. I want that, so again, I have to be willing to do something differant. Sounds like something I would tell someone else.  Now there is something that I'm not willing to do today, and that's go to detox, and spend a couple days in that bubble. Don't mind too much when I actually need that to get off things, but I don't right now. I phoned today, and they want me to go to the pharmacy, get some blister packs of my medication, then go there, spend two days in observation so they can be sure I'm clean before the day program. sorry, but I'm just not doing that. If this is mainly to keep myself busy until work starts, I'm sure I can find something else. I have things I can do here, at the sobriety center, my church studies now, along with my big book studies, and my Tuesday night step study group. I will be alright. I have Bob too to do things with, so I will be busy enough. I really think the detox is being a bit too extrem about this. If they can't tell if someone's drinking or not any other way... I'm just not doing this. Thankyou Lord for another day.