waves

waves... of emotions and everything else... It takes so much effort to not have a frigging melt down...some days I am ok... other days I focus on all of the issues that bring me stress... half of them are made up and amplified by the voices in my head...no one else cares I've gained weight... or that to me stress brings on skin issues... but I feel like A mutant....no one knows that I'm so focused on debt repayment that it consumes me and limits my lifestyle... ugh... people can't tell that some days I miss my mom so much I ache...or other days I feel such mixed emotions about my sisters passing that I'm sad and angry and have guilt issues I need to deal with... or that I question if I'm loveable?! ... ugh...

my bitchiness seems to ebb and flow with how much I allow these thoughts to invade my mind... and I'm I'm losing the battle... ugh I'm just tired of trying to keep my shit together... maybe Im not ok... and maybe that's ok?!