Video Vault: Ellie Goulding -- Lights

(Warning: If you choose to watch the video, please be aware that it's the official video and has some freaky strobe light patterns.  I do not recommend you watch it if you have epileptic seizures or think that you might.)
I'm having a really bad breakdown tonight but felt I needed to leave this here.
So, my sister actually wants to get me a Kindle -- not the app on my iPod Touch, the real thing -- for my birthday in just under three weeks.  Great...(heavy sarcasm here)...just what I needed: More stuff to abuse and use to hide from my laundry list of issues.  I just hit my first Skype chat last night (it was scary but okay), which was a step in the right direction for me, but since I can't talk my family out of not giving me pressies, there's already what I fear is real risk of that progress being undone when I just can't afford to lose it, not with how difficult it is just to gain traction.
I get that distractions can help but it just takes so little for said distractions to become abuse that anything that doesn't help damage these walls (which basically limits it to DS and Skype right now) is just too dangerous to even so much as touch...which is just really, really bad because it's at night where most of the damage is done, when I can't seem to shut up my black heart even when I'm sleeping (it showed today at work, I was in rare form on a sarcasm front, triggered by what felt like endless political radio spots on this eve of US Election Day).
Heard this song on the radio today and it's the closest I can come to expressing how I feel.  Prior to today, I've never heard of Ellie Goulding.  But I think she puts it best without me having to search too hard (I'm having a crying attack bad enough that I can barely see my lappy screen at times).
Here's the title song to her 2011 effort Lights.  You'll hear what I mean, I hope:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NKUpo_xKyQ
I had a way then losing it all on my ownI had a heart then but the queen has been overthrownAnd I'm not sleeping now the dark is too hard to beatAnd I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push meYou show the lights that stop me turn to stoneYou shine It when I'm aloneAnd so I tell myself that I'll be strongAnd dreaming when they're gone'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me homeCalling, calling, calling homeYou show the lights that stop me turn to stoneYou shine It when I'm aloneNoises, I play within my headTouch my own skin and hope that I'm still breathingAnd I think back to when my brother and my sister sleptIn an unlocked place the only time I feel safeYou show the lights that stop me turn to stoneYou shine it when I'm aloneAnd so I tell myself that I'll be strongAnd dreaming when they're gone'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me homeCalling, calling, calling homeYou show the lights that stop me turn to stoneYou shine it when I'm alone
You show the lights that stop me turn to stoneYou shine it when I'm aloneAnd so I tell myself that I'll be strongAnd dreaming when they're gone'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me homeCalling, calling, calling homeYou show the lights that stop me turn to stoneYou shine it when I'm alone