Victim Stance
So, as I was processing through some of my feelings and getting myself back to a better side of things, I really got o thinking about being in the victim stance.
I feel so torn between two extremes sometimes. Part of me is in the "what in the world has gone wrong with this world" mode and part of me is in the "it's just normal business" mode. How I'm feeling reminds me of a situation with a professor.
During the time that I was actually in heavy therapy/going through the court over my daughter's sexual abuse, I missed I think 6 classes out of a six week period (although the majority did occur over a 2 week period) and at some point the professor questioned my poor attendance. There is some kind of line with personal information and in some of these cases, I'm not sure where it is. Well, at some point, I did say that I was having family difficulties and although I didn't get into a bunch of horrid details did say that it involved my daughter's court case. During this process, I end up (because the professor is seemingly not being understanding at all and is pressing for some kind of proof whether I'm on the par - I don't know?) explaining it's a sexual abuse case and we are having to meet with therapist, prosecutors, the state police etc. The response I got was "get an excuse letter and bring it tomorrow". And okay, our therapist did write me a letter explaining that we were involved in a case and ongoing therapy to excuse my absences, but I was just a little taken aback by the coldness of the reponse.
I note this because this is at the base of my feelings with the school situation. I was so honest with them about my son's history, diagnoses, therapy, and our lives and the reaction was just so - well, these are our rules and how it works here - without compassion (would be my feeling).
The same part of me in both situations realizes, yeah, they deal with lots of people and lots of people "in crisis" and it just how it is. But the truth is that during both of these situations I did feel so re-victimized.
Tonight, I'm just trying to take this out and look at it, to not let it be so personal to me and to get my psyche out of the victim stance and back in to the truth and flow of my real every day life.
I feel so torn between two extremes sometimes. Part of me is in the "what in the world has gone wrong with this world" mode and part of me is in the "it's just normal business" mode. How I'm feeling reminds me of a situation with a professor.
During the time that I was actually in heavy therapy/going through the court over my daughter's sexual abuse, I missed I think 6 classes out of a six week period (although the majority did occur over a 2 week period) and at some point the professor questioned my poor attendance. There is some kind of line with personal information and in some of these cases, I'm not sure where it is. Well, at some point, I did say that I was having family difficulties and although I didn't get into a bunch of horrid details did say that it involved my daughter's court case. During this process, I end up (because the professor is seemingly not being understanding at all and is pressing for some kind of proof whether I'm on the par - I don't know?) explaining it's a sexual abuse case and we are having to meet with therapist, prosecutors, the state police etc. The response I got was "get an excuse letter and bring it tomorrow". And okay, our therapist did write me a letter explaining that we were involved in a case and ongoing therapy to excuse my absences, but I was just a little taken aback by the coldness of the reponse.
I note this because this is at the base of my feelings with the school situation. I was so honest with them about my son's history, diagnoses, therapy, and our lives and the reaction was just so - well, these are our rules and how it works here - without compassion (would be my feeling).
The same part of me in both situations realizes, yeah, they deal with lots of people and lots of people "in crisis" and it just how it is. But the truth is that during both of these situations I did feel so re-victimized.
Tonight, I'm just trying to take this out and look at it, to not let it be so personal to me and to get my psyche out of the victim stance and back in to the truth and flow of my real every day life.
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