vexing thoughts
The vicissitudes of the day. Seeing the peaks and valleys and the mess and unmess of my mind...holding out
for the good moments. I find I am learning and leaning towards wanting a 'just mine' relationship in my life
and then I would fear I would have to share it. I guess I am selfish. I have thoughts that maybe 'of living
with my illness' and living a life of a priest or monk might be a way for me to manage my ilness and live life
in a managed kind of way as a direction for me.
I have found myself coming into contact with others and then leaving and I guess I'd like something more.
I think maybe we all want grace in our lives - and so I do. I just need to keep on keepin' on and be ok
with those moments that are frustrating or vexing and know that I will always have some form of those vexations
around.. So living a life as a religious person, might provide a fulcrum a set of relationships to live life by but still
those issues will be around perhaps like a sentimental old friend. Thinking now of Arfie saying "A perfect way of life!" - it's true - perhaps I just need to be ok and am starting to be - ok with the irritations of life. Sometimes I am disappointed with the way I react - but maybe that's all a part of life. Pull back to center and steady on. Peace,
Replies
Thank you for my word of the day. "Vicissitudes" is one of those words I have heard from time to time without ever taking the time to look it up. I am not sure, but I think I have only heard it during mandated lectures I never would have chosen on my own. It was way neat to read the word in a friendlier context. I find myself feeling a bit snaky when it hisses off my tongue. Before I launch further into my vicissitudes of my own. . .
Returning the thread to *your* vicissitudes. . .
A *Just Mine* relationships sounds like one of the logics which got me running like a bat out of Hell from the love of my life. How dare you marry me for my free spirit and then try to force me into a cage. . . Might I suggest you try buying to a turtle? Luckily, the love of my life decided to adopt some less confining expectations. I would have missed him. He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me, warts and all.
I can't even imagine the potential benefits of religiously cloistered life. I'm still to people phobic to swear loyalty to any group, even silent ones.
thanks arfie. I have been to a monastery a couple of times for my vacation. I wonder what it would be like to be there long term. I am friends with the Abbess who I text with every week. I might go there again next year...just thinking 'bout it.
Big hug for you Marky and for you to Arf
I need a lot of me time..... I can only be around other people so much and then I am off to Mark..... I've become somewhat antisocial over time I guess and then I stopped trying to push myself at some point
As long as I have a task I'm fine.... If it comes down to just being social not so much..... Cognitive therapy might help
This is one of the reasons that I got involved in a lot of volunteer activities.... It wasn't all about charity..... It was also for my wellbeing …. It got me out doing things that I really enjoyed in not just a social situation....
Big hug.... Spending some time in a monastery may be well worth looking into...….xo
thanks Jan! I appreciate your volunteering. I am walking for Alzheimer's in October and I am really glad I am doing that.
I have raised a good amount of money so far.
For What It's Worth:
The religious professionals I've worked community projects with were, hands down, the bestest co-workers I've ever had the privilege of rolling up my sleeves with. Their doctrines seem to be far diverse than their commitment to making the world a better place.
I was married for 27 years before I divorced. I find now that I would rather cut off my leg than have to be married again and give up my freedom. I live with my sister, sister in law, and nephew and a friend, so I'm not alone, but I spend a lot of my time alone in my room. So, I'm not saying to give up being around people at all, plus I work, like you do so I have human contact with the public. It's just not so bad being single as far as I'm concerned.
thanks guys! I am glad you like being single becky! I have never been married, I never had the privilege but maybe it's just not part of my destiny. Arfie I'd like to think I could make the world a better place and would take some solace in that. I feel like such an odd bird - that I would make the commitment to being a monk and then fall out with the other monks and nuns and just be too weird. We can never know the future so maybe if I really want to do this, I need to bet on the good side of things and be prepared to fight for my place in the world (whether it's for my place at the monastery or for my monastery's place in the world), rather than be resigned to accepting where life kicks me.
I need to ask my friend the nun if she thinks, knowing me as I am, if I would make a positive addition to the monastery.
Have you thought about taking some Spiritual Divinity classes? At worst, it would give you an extra-curricular activity for a while.
as crazy as it sounds I haven't. I like what my friend and all of the folks at the monastery do, I just don't know if I could become so specific in my spiritual beliefs. I feel like I could go there, attend services two or three times a day and help them out with running the place but insofar as being a voice of the liturgy or the teachings is something that is also a big pill to swallow. My life has required so much flexibility and right now I feel like I am dealing with battling my own weaknesses, which reinforces that hesitation, so it I don't know if I am a fit for that. I look from the outside in.
it's a good idea to think about it. The Abbess has recommended a couple of books. I can't seem to bring myself to read them.
Taking classes doesn't commit you to any one doctrine. To the contrary, the few Divinity degree plans I've scoped out require study of more than one religion and respect for all religions. On their websites, at least . . . If it's on the internet, it must be so.
For sure, I can imagine you thriving on the participation. It is a VERY large and diverse field of study. Creativity allowed.
thanks arfie!! I will check it out. If anything else I can always join the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Humor helps me deal with the nervousness.
I think that Divinity Program is offered at the University of Mars.
U-u-u-u-uM-m-m-m-m. . .
I have been drinking alcohol and now the combination of thinking about religion and having a relatively nice afternoon has me feeling terrible about not having a 'life calling' like we've talked about arfie... I feel resigned and maybe comforted that I have my little life and a few good friends to chat with occasionally and can maybe feel consoled that THAT is enough to warrant a good life. I turned on the classical radio station and now I'll do the dishes after eating all day long. I am earthy, sybaritic and maybe I am ok.
I am kind of questioning the way I think about my life. I know I think in imagery a lot - to kind of check to see if my life- to conceive of my life - if it is ok or not. Sometimes when the image doesn't fit I can react negatively and shut down. Thoughts, feelings and actions.