VERY Upsetting Argument
I know I am on a small DS break, but I had to jump on to vent real quick about a very disturbing screaming match I just had with my mom. I'm so upset and I know writing about it and getting some validation from my DS sisters will help. Of course its related to IF.
DH and I are going to CA to spend Christmas with my family and today my mom and I were talking about it. One of my aunts is going to host, and has invited my entire family which means 13 kids - and this is just from 2 cousins. One cousin has several stepkids, the other cousin doesn't believe in protection. And yes, of course this is a huge issue for me since they have gotten pregnant 6 times "by accident." Anyway, my cousins don't really believe much in discipline and so the kids run around and are really misbehaved. A few of them sadly suffer from some emotional/learning issues and one is autistic. So today I jokingly said to my mom (really, in retrospect it was passive-aggressive): well its gonna be a chaotic christmas this year for us! My mom gets defensive (I have no idea why, none of these kids are her grandkids and she is the first one to say how misbehaved they are) and my mom says....get ready for it......"well you wanted to have one and you are complaining about kids, how would you handle being a parent if this is your attitude." FLOORED, right!? I was at work, so I couldn't really get into it with her, but I shot back with, really? are you really saying that to me right now??? Then I said I had to go. I called her back later when I could talk freely and told her I needed her to listen to me and how she made a comment earlier that really hurt me. My mom cannot accept ANY responsibility for anything in her life, its ALWAYS everyone else who is wrong so of course this leads to a huge screaming match that just turned ugly. I mean UGLY. She blamed it on me for not realizing she didn't mean what she said. I said some very mean things and so did she. I'm shaking right now. But, come on, how do you say what she said to a person who is infertile and who just had a miscarriage!?!! And then to defend it!?!
If you are still here, thank you for listening to my rant.
Love to all as always xoxoxo
DH and I are going to CA to spend Christmas with my family and today my mom and I were talking about it. One of my aunts is going to host, and has invited my entire family which means 13 kids - and this is just from 2 cousins. One cousin has several stepkids, the other cousin doesn't believe in protection. And yes, of course this is a huge issue for me since they have gotten pregnant 6 times "by accident." Anyway, my cousins don't really believe much in discipline and so the kids run around and are really misbehaved. A few of them sadly suffer from some emotional/learning issues and one is autistic. So today I jokingly said to my mom (really, in retrospect it was passive-aggressive): well its gonna be a chaotic christmas this year for us! My mom gets defensive (I have no idea why, none of these kids are her grandkids and she is the first one to say how misbehaved they are) and my mom says....get ready for it......"well you wanted to have one and you are complaining about kids, how would you handle being a parent if this is your attitude." FLOORED, right!? I was at work, so I couldn't really get into it with her, but I shot back with, really? are you really saying that to me right now??? Then I said I had to go. I called her back later when I could talk freely and told her I needed her to listen to me and how she made a comment earlier that really hurt me. My mom cannot accept ANY responsibility for anything in her life, its ALWAYS everyone else who is wrong so of course this leads to a huge screaming match that just turned ugly. I mean UGLY. She blamed it on me for not realizing she didn't mean what she said. I said some very mean things and so did she. I'm shaking right now. But, come on, how do you say what she said to a person who is infertile and who just had a miscarriage!?!! And then to defend it!?!
If you are still here, thank you for listening to my rant.
Love to all as always xoxoxo
Replies
I\'m sorry, I really am. I know how you must feel and how hurt you are at the moment and can imagine how bad this got. That said, if your mom is the no responsibility type, I say save yourself some grief, bitch her out once but don\'t even bother explaining why it hurt - she will never get it and it will end up hurting you even more (and that\'s not fair to you). I think a simple \"fuck you mom\" when she says something of that nature and hanging up, would suffice.
Big hugs to you and hope you can survive Christmas!
Hey sweetie, sorry for being late in responding to this.
I\'m sorry that your mom hurt you. I loved Alana and aboveda\'s responses to this. I think they said it best.
My mom makes cutting remarks at times to me like that and doesn\'t get it when I try to explain why. I don\'t get it at all. What a way to ruin your day. Ugh! And arguing is so exhausting. Sorry.
Hope you had a good weekend and are feeling much better today :) Sending big Hugs!
Ugh, I am so sorry hun. I can not believe how she does not understand how hurtful that was to hear. Do not listen to her. You will be an amazing mother!