VERY Upsetting Argument
I know I am on a small DS break, but I had to jump on to vent real quick about a very disturbing screaming match I just had with my mom. I'm so upset and I know writing about it and getting some validation from my DS sisters will help. Of course its related to IF.
DH and I are going to CA to spend Christmas with my family and today my mom and I were talking about it. One of my aunts is going to host, and has invited my entire family which means 13 kids - and this is just from 2 cousins. One cousin has several stepkids, the other cousin doesn't believe in protection. And yes, of course this is a huge issue for me since they have gotten pregnant 6 times "by accident." Anyway, my cousins don't really believe much in discipline and so the kids run around and are really misbehaved. A few of them sadly suffer from some emotional/learning issues and one is autistic. So today I jokingly said to my mom (really, in retrospect it was passive-aggressive): well its gonna be a chaotic christmas this year for us! My mom gets defensive (I have no idea why, none of these kids are her grandkids and she is the first one to say how misbehaved they are) and my mom says....get ready for it......"well you wanted to have one and you are complaining about kids, how would you handle being a parent if this is your attitude." FLOORED, right!? I was at work, so I couldn't really get into it with her, but I shot back with, really? are you really saying that to me right now??? Then I said I had to go. I called her back later when I could talk freely and told her I needed her to listen to me and how she made a comment earlier that really hurt me. My mom cannot accept ANY responsibility for anything in her life, its ALWAYS everyone else who is wrong so of course this leads to a huge screaming match that just turned ugly. I mean UGLY. She blamed it on me for not realizing she didn't mean what she said. I said some very mean things and so did she. I'm shaking right now. But, come on, how do you say what she said to a person who is infertile and who just had a miscarriage!?!! And then to defend it!?!
If you are still here, thank you for listening to my rant.
Love to all as always xoxoxo
DH and I are going to CA to spend Christmas with my family and today my mom and I were talking about it. One of my aunts is going to host, and has invited my entire family which means 13 kids - and this is just from 2 cousins. One cousin has several stepkids, the other cousin doesn't believe in protection. And yes, of course this is a huge issue for me since they have gotten pregnant 6 times "by accident." Anyway, my cousins don't really believe much in discipline and so the kids run around and are really misbehaved. A few of them sadly suffer from some emotional/learning issues and one is autistic. So today I jokingly said to my mom (really, in retrospect it was passive-aggressive): well its gonna be a chaotic christmas this year for us! My mom gets defensive (I have no idea why, none of these kids are her grandkids and she is the first one to say how misbehaved they are) and my mom says....get ready for it......"well you wanted to have one and you are complaining about kids, how would you handle being a parent if this is your attitude." FLOORED, right!? I was at work, so I couldn't really get into it with her, but I shot back with, really? are you really saying that to me right now??? Then I said I had to go. I called her back later when I could talk freely and told her I needed her to listen to me and how she made a comment earlier that really hurt me. My mom cannot accept ANY responsibility for anything in her life, its ALWAYS everyone else who is wrong so of course this leads to a huge screaming match that just turned ugly. I mean UGLY. She blamed it on me for not realizing she didn't mean what she said. I said some very mean things and so did she. I'm shaking right now. But, come on, how do you say what she said to a person who is infertile and who just had a miscarriage!?!! And then to defend it!?!
If you are still here, thank you for listening to my rant.
Love to all as always xoxoxo
Replies
Oh my poor dear I am so sorry for the horrid fight.. take a deep breath, it happens.... sometime a bitch snaps.. so sorry your Mom said that to you - super harsh, she sounds just like my MIL in the way she never takes responsibility for anything, sorry I know how difficult those types of people are to deal with! Big hugs.. these holidays will be over soon! XO
oh sweetie I\'m so sorry. Your mom really should have known better than say something so hurtful to you. She really has no excuse. I have to remember she wasn\'t to good with some of her comments right after the mc too. You have every reason to be real mad at her and I think she should have said sorry.
Sending lot\'s of love your way.
xoxo
People say the worst things! Like if you comment at all about something (not complaining, commenting) then they retort back with \"Well, guess you can\'t handle it\" or\" better get used to it\" or, my favorite, \"You act like you\'re the only one who ________\". No. We are fully aware that other people feel the same way. You disliking misbehaved and poorly disciplined children has nothing to do with your potential as a mother. It has to do with not wanting to have to pseudo-parent to keep kids from harm or being destructive or what have you. My mom pulls that kind of crap with me all the time. **calls first thing in the morning** \"How\'s it going?\" \"Oh, I\'m really exhausted.\" \"Well, YOU WANTED THIS!\" Yes, of course I did. And I am fine with being tired. You asked how I am, and I am telling you. What the hell kind of passive-aggressive, asenine comment is that? People are lame.
Oh friend, that is not something anyone who say to you let about having to hear it out of your mothers mouth. :( I\'m so sorry. I know this time of year is going to be really rough and you have every right to have these strong feelings and stick up for yourself and really, feel and say whatever it is you want to right now. You\'ve been through way too much and I wish people who get it and me there for you! Hugs!!!
I am so sorry. This is so tough - and if someone has not gone through it they really have no idea - even moms. She was wrong. Forgive yourself for the harsh words that were said. Give her time - time to think about her words and your feelings - I am sure she will come back to you. I am so sorry - not what you needed when you are so fragile. Take care of yourself tonight. Sending so much love to you. Xoxo
Not cool mom, not cool.
Thanks for your comments. I can almost forgive my mom for saying such a stupid thing (she is notorious for this flaw anyway) but what is so hard to forgive is her refusal to see how hurtful that comment was. Aaarrrgh!
It doesn\'t matter if someone has kids or does not have kids, the fact of the matter is very bratty kids stand out! It\'s always noticable. She really should have thought about the words coming out of her mouth. That was really not called for. I hope things get worked out though since she is your mother and all. Good for you for standing up for yourself friend! *HUG!!
Ugh...so sorry you had to deal with this. That was so rude and uncalled for. She needs to grow up and take some responsibility. Such a pet peeve of mine...were all human, we mess up and say the wrong things, just admit it. Big hugs my friend...xoxo
Ugh, I am so sorry for your mom\'s comment. Uncalled for and rude. You would make a great mother. I\'m sorry she doesn\'t see how she hurt you. For me the fact that she hurt you matters even more than what she said. Just hearing the words \"you hurt me\" should mean something to her. I\'m sorry she can\'t take responsibility for her words. Hang in there and remember how great you are.
Wow... People can say the most hurtful things. You are an awesome person and I hope your mom can see the light soon about her comment. *hugs*
I totally agree with everyone else. The fact she said it is bad enough. The fact she won\'t acknowledge that it hurt you, ten times worse. Now the already hard holidays are going to be that much harder thanks to this whole blowout. And I hate other people\'s bratty ass kids too. It was the main reason I tried to stay away from DH\'s family gatherings because they have a handful of kids who are all naughty and unsupervised as hell. Josh and I go there and end up disciplining everybody\'s kids and making them behave. Good luck girl, and I hope she eventually sees the harm she\'s caused!!
:( some people need to stop and think...
Wow. I\'m so sorry she not only said such hurtful comments, but didn\'t apologize once you very clearly told her how hurt you were. None of what she did is ok, and I\'m sure she knows it. I hope she realizes how insensitive and cruel she was.
Uhhhhhh I am so sorry you went through that with your mom. That is awful and I almost wish you weren\'t at work so you could tell her how it is. I hope she is able to genuinely apologize to you ASAP.