very sad

Today,I almost lost it,. Last night around 10pm I felt I had to call my X and have him come and pick up our son. I have previousoly mentioned that he getting to be very hard to deal with. Well, I have told him that his behvior is unexpectable and that if it continues I would send him to his Dad's. Well the last few days have been pure Hell, He would snap at me constantly and would yell in my face and just get down right ugly. Well I had enough last night and told him if he didn't stop I was calling his Dad, Well he didn't stop, I called his Dad, he was very upset that I did this, but without missing a beat he asked if he could have his phone back. I just fell apart all day, I got in to see my counsler which was helpful, but I still am very very sad, I don't want my son to be gone let alone live with his Dad who has some alcohol among other  issues, but then again I can't let him think that verbally abusie is not Ok even if you say Sorry later. So here I am feeling like a total loser, like I'm not capable of being a Mom/Parent,At the moment I feel horrible..I don't know when and if he'll come back.........:(