very hard

So this morning I have to set up my daughter's social security. I know that it will help us out financially but it's like it's hitting me all over again that he's gone. I hate these moments when it's inevitable... he's gone and he's not coming back. These realities are the hardest ones to deal with so far. When the death is staring you right in the face and there's no way to avoid looking at it. I don't know when if ever this will get better. It's like my wound starts healing and once again it's ripped open and hurts worse ever time. How will I ever be ok?