VERY SAD!!!

Something terrible has happened since my last post, and I wanted to share my grief with my Friends here on DS. When I got home Tuesday night, my son had gotten a call from a friend that a mutual friend, a young man who was a constant friend and welcome guest in our house had evidently "murdered" someone in Missouri, had come home AWOL from his new Air Force base, and had killed himself at a girlfriend's house. THAT was unbeleivable, and still is. It is true that he committed suicide last tuesday night, and we will be going to his funeral tomorrow morning. No one really knows the truth. None of you know this young man, but I can tell you he was a wonderul person; and I mean wonderful in the best sense. What makes it so difficult to accept is that we all know this boy (19), there was never a malicious bone in his body. It is incredulous to accept how this tragedy came about. WE are all truly hurt by this event. As best we can tell, since he did not disclose what happened to anyone, not even his fiance' nearby in the community, we can only assume that the shooting was a accident, not a murder. The person he shot was a friend that he had just gone through basic training with last summer, and he was here in town just this last Thanksgiving in November, and in good spirits. This young man was never in trouble, at all, anywhere. He was not aggressive, ever. Was a member of the volunteer fire department, in the band, and a regular and welcome visitor at our house since he was about 5 years old. He used to spend the night here frequently, and did it even recently. Whatever happened, I choose to believe that he felt so guilty for what happened that he decided he could not live with it, so he took his own life. It is truly a horrible tragedy. As old as I am, this one death is the most unbelievable one I have ever been asked to accept. It is so far from what any of us can concieve of as a reasonable excuse for happening. This was not what this boy was about or who he was as a person. It is impossible to make a reasonable case to explain what caused this. It is only our perception of what I have said that could possibly explain what happened.
I have not been this sad in a long, long time. I have been doing my internship at the Bereavemnet Center since last summer, and even that has not spared me of the grieving that I am going through for his dad, his stepmom, and my own well-wishes for this young man as my wife and I have watched him grow up as a neighbor and friend of the family. I know all the fundamental principles of grieving, and I have applied them to myself, and yet this is different, this is personal, about as personal as it gets. I am better today than the past few days, and I have distracted myself too. But I am feeling unusually touched by his death, I really did not expect to be this affected.
I am well, I am just sad about this incident. If you had known him, you would understand how horrible I feel for his loss. 
Blessings to all, and to Kerby Barb. We bury him tomorrow.