validation-al
For some reason I am really nervous and insecure today. Feeling like everything I am doing is wrong. I wrote the following earlier: The office job is really teaching me a lot. I am learning how to effectively self motivate. I am alone most of the time and so I am learning that at the same time I am generating results, the process is not always orderly. It reminds me of a friend at GU who was an artist who had to create a final project. She had no motivation and then she kind of cursed at herself and bitched her way through the process and ultimately created a really beautiful work. I am not saying I am beating myself up, that doesn’t help me, but I am realizing that any which way to create something out of nothing is what it takes. All paths are not all the same.
I am at home now and for some reason, the anxiousness and worry are coming back. I kind of thought about how I can really 'brace myself' with aesthetics - structures and routines - that can help me 'get through' at times - but then I wondered 'what does it take for others' to feel ok about what they're doing as they live and survive? I am trying to rationalize or reconcile the two. I am just trying to think about this because I so often find myself in fear and yet maybe this kind of general acceptance of things can help me move forward. Focused on this -- I can't wait till therapy tomorrow. Peace, M
Replies
You are not saying you are beating yourself up, but *I* am. Still. . . simple self-flagellation is an improvement over the self-torture you are capable of. Progress over perfection.
I do not care to speak for all the other others *out there*, but this individual other takes her anxious worries one bout at a time. I don't bother arguing with the folks who tell me how perfect my life is based on the fact that I am able to smile for most of the 5 minutes they witnessed the facts of my life. Arguing with a fool only proves there are two fools.
Thanks Arfie. I will bring this up in therapy tomorrow. Peace, m