val is gone too.......

i made it to the funeral......and that IS a God Answer......i woke up at 3 am worried about it all.....tossed and turned and finally set my alarm for 7 am......left a little after 8.........oh my word, the traffic. i haven't coped with rush hour freeway traffic in YEARS. hands at ten and two, praying out loud, "Lord please protect me, my car, the other drivers, keep me aware at all times of what I am doing, what others are doing.....if I falter lead me off an exit to rest. help me find this place by 10:45.......i ask all of this in your name Lord.....amen. your wonky friend. helps to talk it out loud in prayer......i had already shared that i coudn't come late afternoon the day before....wanting to be in care of others.  then when i did......i don't know, the controller seemed a bit something when she realized i had driven myself......am i overly sensitive? perhaps, does she now doubt me because i did get there........

she doesn't know what it took, that i got lost several times, that i cried on the way.......would that help her to understand?  that i am trying with all that i can to do what it takes.  the sensitivity comes from many years of being misunderstood, underhelped......alone too much.......it meant that i wouldn't be able to go to the holiday event today for our company.....but that's ok.

the funeral was very nice.....truly truly well done, lovely things were shared, wonderful reminiscenses (is that a word?)  and then afterwards i found out that another colleague had passed away at the end of October.....her name was Valerie.......we spoke daily for years and years.  i saw her at the banquet in October, noted how very slender she was......she had been dealing with bone cancer for some time, she had a secondary cancer as well, i am sorry that i can't remember what it was......her platelet count was so low at the end of October that they admitted her for treatment, she died at the end of the month of a heart attack.  she is survived by her husband and two children, a son and a daughter.....

it was a bit of a shock ...... couldn't believe that no one told me......i feel so sad, so bad about it all.  i need to send the family a card.....a note.......

after the service everyone headed off to Al's condo downtown .....his wife, son, grandson, family and colleagues to share stories of Al.

had anyone offered to drive me down and back to my car i would have gone......no one did.  yes, i do feel sorry for myself.  instead i drove north.....the right direction but on the wrong road......after a long ti me dr iving i found myself on the road close to my daughter's house.  so i called her, we ate either early dinner or late lunch.......4 pm......then i headed home wiped out.  soooo happy to be home again.  jammied up and crashed hard.

today i slept until about an hour ago, then i rose to do an hour of chores......laundry and trash and dishes oh my!  got linens in the washer now, things to air dry hanging to my left over the french doors........since i don't think i'll be going out again to shop for awhile i've decided to give my owls party gift to Debbie on Tuesday.  ...it's very fancy......i like it very much, but debbie will really enjoy it i think, i also tucked in a holiday crafting project (a kit to make several tree ornaments) for her two grandkids......i hope that will do!

an old friend came to the f uneral.....the two of us were close friends for more than a decade.....than she just dumped me in a bin for a very long time.  we spoke......it was as if there had been no rift......it was easy to talk with her, laugh and share tales.....but i am very cautious of her.  i didn't say let's get together soon and she didn't either......so i suppose it is what it is.  as we said good bye she said how much she loved me and missed me.  sometimes i think i am easier to love and miss from a distance.....that i need more, need too much?  or is it that people don't like being around daily sick people and just run into the hills......they say they love, they say they miss, but they aren't ever around so how would we/I know?

lots of people have more support and i suffer from lack of support envy......in real time.  before sunday i need to bake cookies and cut cheese......i'm taking a salami/cheese/cracker plate for our sunday family gathering.  emma's ugly "it lights up!" sweater is all wrapped up in a pretty bow.....ready to go.  i also plan to bake some fudge cookies with chocolate chips and pretzels, they won the "cookie of the year" award.......hope they live up to their award!  i wanted to make some of those no bake date cookies, you make them with rice crispy cereal, sugar, cut up dates, a few other things prolly......roll them in powdered sugar...........holy cow they are good!  about an inch in diameter........seriously crazy good.  but after lunching with sara i didn't risk a stop at the totally packed grocery store.  i gave in to reason and came home to roost.........

i am SSSSSSSOOOOOSO sorry for not doing cards, this is official resignation to cards this year..........i have the cards in the garage, i picked them out last year, but hopefully next year will let me do more.....send out cards, put the tree up........i was able to honor Al's life, that made it alright........love, hugs, and high hopes for the days ahead...........sparrow