Vacation time
So I am here in Malaysia at a beautiful resort in Borneo. so far things have been great but since last night I have been feeling really depressed. I have my blood test on Saturday and we will get the results same day. I haven't had the slightest twinge, cramping, sore boobs or any other pregnancy symptom and have decided that this time round mustn't be my time. I am really depressed about it because once again I feel like I am letting my husband down. I know that you aren't supposed to scrutinise your body in this time but like every one else here, I can't help it! It makes me so sad and I have lost all hope. The only way I can try and reconcile the I situation is by pretending that the transfer didn't happen at all...and that I simply had the retrieval and we froze 3 embryos....does that sound crazy?. That way I feel like I won't be so disappointed. Of course along with that disappointment is a that intrinsic feeling of self hate...that my body once again has failed me....which I equate with being so fat. I am fixated on how I look at the moment and am getting little anxiety attacks if I don't do some form of exercise every day that we are here. I am trying my best to keep these anxieties from my husband but I am pretty sure he is vageuly aware of them.
anyway...just needed to decompress....I had decided I wasn't going to visit this site whilst on holiday but just needed to vent.
Anyway, i all is well with everyone else.
anyway...just needed to decompress....I had decided I wasn't going to visit this site whilst on holiday but just needed to vent.
Anyway, i all is well with everyone else.
Replies
I\'m sorry to hear that you\'re losing hope. I know it is hard and you go through a mental war during the 2ww, but try to stay positive! I was convinced my period was coming. I had all the PMS symptoms and I ended up with a BFP! Take a deep breathe, enjoy that beautiful vacation, and try to keep busy so you\'re not constantly driving yourself nuts with the am I pregnant or not thinking. I\'m praying for your BFP on Saturday! Big hugs!
I\'m sorry that you feel that this isn\'t your month. It\'s no fun to feel that way, but also very normal! Anything can happen and everyone feels different leading up to the positive (well actually all throughout pregnancy). I wish we could \"feel\" it, but the truth is those feelings don\'t help to prove what is going on at all.
Hang in there! I hope Saturday comes fast, brings good news and I hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation
Hang in there, friend! MRS is right -- everyone feels different leading up to the positive. Some women feel it, and others (like me) are convinced they\'re headed for a BFN. Try to focus on enjoying your vacation and time with your hubby as much as you can. Catch some sun for us :)